¡Hola Julio!

Mood:Hellogoodbye sounds good again.

Awesome things from our new apartment:

• Its bigger than our hotel room.
• Rumor has it there is hot water.
• We might get internet
• There is a living room and kitchen.
• There is a washer a dryer
• There aren´t any drunkards nearby that I know of.
• Our neighbor lady is really nice.

Blog: All the internet cafés were closed on Sunday, so I couldn´t enter something for the first of June. Saturday night we went to a concert by a guy named Ernesto Cavour. He is supposed to be the best charrango player in the world. In case you don´t know, a charrango is this funky little guitar invented by the Andean people. It also has two strings where one string on a guitar should be. Its pretty cool.

On Sunday we went to church. It ¨started¨ at nine. This was sort of a pain because I haven´t woken up before 10:30 this whole trip. I say ¨started¨ because when we got there at nine, we were the first people there. By the time people started coming in it was around 9:20, and sacrement meeting didn´t start until 9:30. It was sort of funny. Like all first Sundays of the month in the LDS church it was fast sunday, and that meant fast and testimony meeting.

Fast and testimony meeting was pretty awesome, even though I didn´t really understand what most of the people were saying. This one twelve-year-old kid who thinks I´m pretty cool sat by me the whole time, and I just talked to him. There was one part where one of the Counselor´s got up and bore his testimony. I had met him before when I did fast offerings, and I knew he was able to speak English. In the middle of his testimony he said, ¨Now for my brothers and sisters from the United States, I will bare you my testimony. I know that Joseph Smith and Gordon B. Hinckley are prophets, and that the Book of Mormon and the Bible are the word of God.¨ I don´t think I´ll ever forget that as long as I live, it was incredible. I then procceded to translate what he said to my little Bolivian friend.

Today, for some odd reason I woke up with the song ¨What I´ve done¨ by Linkin Park in my head. Its sort of random song to wake up to don´t you think? Everything is fine again, and I was able to get some space Saturday night, and I feel better about being around Sam a ton again, plus he and his brother have stopped telling repetitive jokes. Here is a good one though:

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust.

I just thought that was hilarious. I´ve learned a reall cool card game, its called Mormon Baseball, I think its really supposed to be called Hell, but I´m not sure.

We moved into our new apartment today, just in case you couldn´t tell from my list, and its pretty cool. It has seventy´s style decor, and is really nice. We might even be able to get internet which would be nice because this new internet café by us costs 3 bs per hour (only 10 cents more, but still).

I guess I´m less homesick now, Saturday was like hump day, and once you get over it everything is good. Especially because now it isn´t so third world country-ish.

Another Day, Another Day Gone

Mood:Hellogoodbye (even though I can´t listen to it)

Things needed for a wealthy country (according to my observations):

1. Good Education
2. Good Transportation
3. Good Sanitation

Blog: Its day five in Bolivia, I think I have 12 days left. Not that Bolivia isn´t great, but I like my creature comforts, and fluency in the English language. I did fast offerings (a tithe done on fast sunday) with the young men in my Bolivian ward (or branch I´m not sure), and it was way cooler than normal because I got to talk to my partners (in spanish) about life in Bolivia and life in the States. Minimum wage in Bolivia is 1.25 bs (13 cents) and when I told them I make 6 dollars an hour, they were floored. It takes them an entire day of work (six hours) to get one dollar. The thought it was funny how things are more expensive in the U.S., especially haircuts and ice cream. They almost died when I told them a movie ticket is 7.75 USD (somewhere around 50bs), because here an evening showing is 25 bs (4 USD).

Last night Sam, Ben and I were approached by some Bolivian stoners who asked us if we wanted some pot, it was actually kind of funny. I also finished one of my two books for English summer reading. It was the book that we could choose, and I chose Angela´s Ashes. Although I primarily chose it because it said objectionable content and language in parenthesis next to it on my sheet, I really enjoyed it. My mom had read it before and she really like it. It´s sad, funny, disturbing, and thought provoking all at the same time. The only part I found that would fit under the objectionable content was near the last 50 pages or so. But it was a sweet book. Highly recomend it.

I think I´m starting to spend to much time with Sam, and I´m starting to lose my mind. He´s a cool friend and all, but spending everyday with him is starting to kill me. If this is missionary prep, I´m probably going to fail. Him and his brother say they have a higher form of humour than me, but think its funny everytime they say my fingers are long. I think its funny, but five days straight and at least once an hour is going to put me in the insane asylum.

I hate to admit it , but I am getting a little homesick.

Real Bolivians (they´re just like me)

Mood: Anything that doesn´t remind me how Sam and Ben schooled me last night.

Wanted: Una Cholita Profesional
Requiremets:

• Andean Woman
• Little or no education
• Must looked aged and ragged
• May be anywhere between 30-80
• Missing teeth prefered
• Must wear clothing:A bowler hat, poofy skirt, various european/indigenous clothing (warning, you may look round)
• Must be willing to sit on the sidewalk and sell candy/food/trinkets/clothing for 12 hours a day with little pay.
• Must speak both spanish and one indigenous dialect
• Must have a young child

Blog: Yesterday Sam´s man bag got slit, and he lost about 20 bs., it was funny to me. We also ate at this awesome restaurant called Dumbo, an upscale Bolivian restaurant with delicious food, delicious cake, and really good ice cream. It was the first restaurant i´ve gone to where the ice cream was ¨safe¨ (not contaminated with Bolivian water). That made me very happy, and I ordered some ice cream (which was delicious). I want to go back and get one of their ice cream dishes (which are a meal in and of themselves).

Last night I got schooled by Sam and his younger brother Ben. I got worked pretty bad, and nothing was sacred (especially my fingers, and my love life). I got Sam sometimes, and Ben is just too weird to make fun of. Of course, the final score was like 500 to 3 (in their favor).

Then I was put through the pain of playing the stupidest card game ever, Mao. ¡Oh no! I said something bad about the game, so penalize me. Why can´t you just tell people the rules? Its retarded. Everytime I´m forced to play there is some new rule I´ve been following, but who knows... Of course the worst part is when the first game ends and the winner gets to make up a rule without telling anyone, its absolutlely horrid. Then when I make up a rule, its against the rules, even though I won. ¿Whats up with that? So what if I want to make everyone say that I´m the best, I think its fine, but there is some stupid rule that Mao is the best, and your not allowed to say Mao, so penalize me twice. Mao Mao Mao Mao Mao. Then I make up a rule where everyone has to say that I´m the second best right below ¨Our Great Leader¨(because you can´t say Mao), and then I get penalized for being self-centered. Oh the irritatingness of it all. Thats how dumb this game is, I´m making up words to tell how mad I am. To retaliate I started trying to penalize Sam for stupid things, that made him mad, which made me happy. Stupid, Stupid game (that´s right the second stupid is capitalized).

On a much happier note, and my title, I met some Bolivian college students today. They were sweet. Fortunately for me, they were both English students, and wanted to practice English. Our conversation carried in part English and part Spanish, and I gotta talk about contractions (which I use) and slang (which I use a lot). It was awesome, Sam knew more Spanish, but its ok. The moral of this story is that Bolivians are real people (like me), and not the weird people that you read in tourist books. Of course, I was able to talk to them about American culture, which helped me analyze my own culture. Sam and I gave them our e-mail addresses, after we talked to them for an hour. One´s name is Ricahrd, who wants to be a lawyer, and the other´s name is Juan (who wants to be a linguist).

Oh yes, and the best graffiti so far is a stencil of George Bush with the word tonto (idiot) underneath. It was awesome.

How to: The Bolivian Way

Mood:I listened to Basshunter last night. So I guess, if I could, Basshunter

Effects of the Altitude:

• Little children (most notable Sam´s little brother) go crazy
• Sleep is increased to twelve hours a night.
• Heart rate goes up.
• The sun is brighter.

Blog: La Paz is rampant with stray dogs, so it is not uncommon for one to see dog feces on the sidewalk (watch your step). The city constantly smells of excrement and smog, but when you pass a bakery a delicious smell fills your nostrils, even the the paint some guy was spraying smelt good. As I went through the streets I turned over to see a Cholita (native women) squatting on a road. I found this very curious, but continued walking. Thats when Betsy turned to me and said, ¨Not all the poop is animal poop¨. I felt nauseous, there was a woman taking a crap on the street! Who does that? Obviously some Bolivians.

As I toured La Paz, visiting various parks and a cathedral, a came up with a how to guide. Here it is:

How to: A Guide to Life in Bolivia

How to use the restroom:

1. Lift up toilet seat.
2. Excrete waste in prefered form and style.
3. If you feel the need to wipe, do so.
4. If you wiped, dispose of toilet paper in nearby garbage can.
5. Flush toilet and leave.

How to drive:

1. Enter car.
2. Turn on car, and pull out of curb.
3. Do not obey any lane signs, and create as many lanes as needed.
4. When you come upon a pedestrioan, maintain speed and honk once.
5. In most cases the pedestrian moves to the side.
6. If the pedestrian does not, continue onwards and hit them, or break right before, sparing their lives.

How to communicate:

1. Listen to the person and try to make out what you can.
2. If you do not understand, look at your friend.
3. Allow your friend to answer for you.
4. If you are alone nod your head, and say some words in the foreign language.
5. Smile when the other person does, the politely leave.
6. If the person is asking if you would like something (a shoeshine or sunglasses or something of that nature) immediately smile and say, ¨No gracias¨if the person persists, continue to walk and say ¨No gracias¨over and over.

How to take a shower:

1. Turn knob so shower begins.
2. Fiddle with knob to find the supposed hot water.
3. After fiddling for at least five minutes find the warmest water you can.
4. Remove clothing.
5. Step into shower, fully submerging yourself in the shower water.
6. Scream like a little girl because the water is cold.

Bolivia is great, and with my how to guide you will be pro at living there.

¿How do you spell push?

Mood: Andean music is once again playing in the background at my internet cafe.

Truth about Bolivia

• There are nazis, somewhere...(According to graffiti)
• People go on riots quite frequently
• Things are much cheaper
• You can find Llama fetuses
• ¨Push¨is spelt ¨pusch¨

Blog: I learened a few hard rules about spanish today. Whenever you state something obvious people don´t find it cute, especially people your same age. I saw some teenage kids playing DOTA (a game that I enjoy playing on Warcraft III: Frozen Throne), excited to see something familiar in a foreign country oth¡er than Burger King and Coke I walked up to the kid and exclaimed in horrible spanish, ¨¿Juegas Dota? ¡En Los Estados Unidos Juego Dota tambien!¨ Of course all my fellow teenager heard was, ¨Bla bla bad spanish DOTA bla bad spanish bla¨ He gave me a sort of dirty look that translates perfectly into english, and I left, finding that Samuel had left me alone in the internet cafe.

The other lesson I learned is that not everything translates very well. I found all sorts of funny translations that had probably been translated through Google Translator. Some of the best were from a restaurant Sam had gone to a few years ago:

• Pique a lo macho (a really good dish that I ate, is typically thought of as a manly dish)-Itch to the man thing (Picar in spanish is to itch, bad translation)
• Carne de Llama (Meat of Llama I have yet to find)-Meat of he/she calls (llamar means to call in spanish, and llama is the he/she/formal you form)
• Maté (a type of tea)-Kill (matar in spanish is to kill, and maté is the command form)

Bolivia has been a really great experience, and our death ride (a bike ride down the most dangerous road in the world) has been moved to next week because of some technicalities. The food (and especially the bread) is delicious, even better than the bread I had in France, so the French can shove it. I´m getting a little sick of the constant folk music playing everywhere I go (pan pipes and charrangos are cool and all), I miss my music.

I also slept 12 hours last night, which was awesome, and Sam had a dream that he was in Harry Potter. The kicker was that he told me he was tortured in some dungeon, and told me not to tell, of course I did. For some reason a girl we know from school walked up to him and asked him if he had been tortured in a dungeon (which sam had) at which point sam mumbled to himself, ¨I knew I shouldn´t have told I should have told Ron and Hermione¨.¨

¿The moral of the story? Sam wishes he had Harry Potter´s friends instead of me.

Sam said I talked in my sleep, one quote he was able to decipher was this: If life is like a box of chocoaltes, then what doesn´t everything taste good?¨and ¨¿Why can´t girls be...¨after that Sam said I started mumbling.

¡Bolivia!

Mood: Currently there is Andean music in the background of my internet cafe.

Life in a 3rd world country:

• Good if you´re from a developed country and visiting
• Things are dirt cheap, quite literally, some dirt is more expensive than the things I can buy.
• Bad if you are a lifelong resident and an indian
• You can wear funky clothing, and noone notices
• You can do crazy things, like scream out of cars
• You don´t have to obey traffic laws.
• Gatorade is more expensive

Blog: ¡Hola! Estoy en Bolivia, un pais en America del Sur cerca de Peru. Estoy en La Paz un de dos capitales en Bolivia (el otro es Sucre). Mi español es mas peor que Samuel (mi amigo en Bolivia). That was me trying to practice spanish, because I can´t understand a word most people are saying. Everything is dirt cheap, here are a list of prices in USD (American Dollars):

• One hour at internet cafe-20 cents
• Soda in a glass bottle-60 cents
• Slice of chocolate cake-20 cents
• Taxi ride across town-1.25 dollars
• 2 liter drink from local company-50 cents
• Dinner for six-20 dollars

Thats just a vague idea of some of the prices I have down here. All my plane flights were delayed an hour or two, so I arrived in Bolivia at around 6:45 a.m. local time. It was quite an experience, and I actually slept pretty well. Sam isn´t such a bad roomate/rowmate, I´m bummed I´m going to have to fly back by myself (the whole plane ride, including layovers) will be somewhere around 18 hours.

I can´t understand a word most people are saying so I just say ¨no thank you¨ (in spanish of course). Their are ladies that we call cholitas, and they look really funny. Traffic is absolutely insane, and so far I´ve only seen three traffic lights (this is for a city of over a million people).

For now, I´ll post again later, my hour is almost up. Here are a few signs on the spanish keyboard as opposed to the english one:

ç

ñ

¿

¡

Most of the letters are in the same places except that ç thing and the ñ, which are near the enter sign. Those screw me up.

Wyoming and Being a Loser

Mood: Mika

Things of note in Wyoming:

• A vast majority of people don't live there for a reason
• Fat is phat
• Wyomingins don't like non-wyomingins
• Attractive women tend not to be in Wyoming...

Blog: Its been a long time, and I'm amazed how easy it is to get out of habit. I dreaded for nearly a week the thought of going up to visit my paternal grandmother (who is a little nutty) and her husband (number three) on their mission in Martin's Cove, Wyoming. Martin's Cove is essentially a Mormon hotspot where youth go to learn about what it was like to be a pioneer. Martin's Cove is where the Martin & Willy handcart companies got stranded in a snowstorm and a bunch of them died. Unfortunately, Martin's Cove is in Wyoming, and as you can see in my list above, Wyoming isn't that exciting.

For two days prior to my trip I did absolutely nothing fun, or cool. I didn't hang out with anyone (anyone of course being people on my cell phone contacts list), which was very sad. I don't know why I didn't post something on my blog, that would have been more constructive than banging my head against my desk for a half an hour. On my second night of boredom I was accompanied by Tanner but we still didn't do anything. The next day I drove to Wyoming with my family, my aunt, my uncle, and my hyperactive, mentally disabled cousin. Before I left I did some shopping for my Bolivian trip, and bought two new Nintendo DS games, both of which I played on the trip up. They were so much fun, and I'm thoroughly addicted to the New Super Mario Bros.

Halfway through the trip my cousin started to irritate me, its not that I don't love her, but she goes nonstop 24/7, and it wears you out. And because I expected nothing from my trip, I was pleasantly suprised and had a good time. In Wyoming I visited Independence Rock, and I've decided to make a goal to go back and carve my name in it, even though I do risk a hefty fine.

Yesterday, my friends and I sat around my house, and still couldn't find anything to do. One of my neighbors, who is sort of popular asked us, while we were sitting outside if we wanted to go play fugitive. We heartedly agreed, and drove up to Rock Canyon Park, all of us were excited. When we got there however, we were sorely disappointed. We transformed into invisible creatures, and when people started to leave, we simply left without being noticed. Last night I came to the realization that the world hates me. Boo hoo.

Tomorrow I venture off to Bolivia, where I will try to update my blog at the internet cafes.

Have a fantastic two and a half weeks without me United States