In the Dark Change Speaks

Mood: Linkin Park

Quote: "When we are no longer to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." -Victor Frankle

Basically, My Schedule:

1. Wake up
2. Get ready for school
3. Go to school
4. Come home
5. Do Homework
6. Sleep

Blog: I always think at night. Keep me up late enough and I start to wax philisophical, like really philisophical. I don't know why, I just do. I think better, maybe because of the lack of external stimuli, maybe because I feel alone.

That, however, is beside the point. The unexpected glue that held us together is gone, who knew? Who knew that he was the glue? No one, not even him. Now we are slowing breaking apart. The most determined piece is gone. But the rest of us? The rest of us who hung in there together, who did favors for one another? We are breaking, crumbling, falling apart. We like most things put to time are eroding, blowing away, becoming no more.

We, those who fought, those who stood by, those who sacrificed. We are becoming no more. I feel it, I know it, it is gone. What was once is now lost. Forever, never, we thought we were clever, but now we are not. Not but lost memories, lost thoughts, lost dreams, lost hopes, lost aspirations. We are I, a million particles of sand, crumbled from the mighty mountain that was Us. We are but not, and woe is us. Woe is our memories, woe what we were!

And as I lay in the dark, change speaks.

Leadership

Mood: Mat Kearney

Quote: "Management is doing things right, leadership is doing the right things." -Peter F. Drucker

Movie Review:

• Fracture-Anthony Hopkins plays a brilliant engineer who kills his wife, and plans the perfect alibi. According to my dad the movie is really realistic in its portrayal of some aspects of law, especially the law terms. Although it does have a problem with language, which doesn't add anything, its still really good. 4.5/5

Things I've For Homecoming:

• Ask
• Get a response
• Get a group

Things I Need to Do for Homecoming:

• Plan Date
• Talk to people in my group
• Find something to wear

Blog: Today I had a very personal talk with my Young Men's leader on certain premises. Of course, I was very upset that I had to talk to him because it involved me apologizing for something I did not believe was wrong. This of course, as an apology always does, involves a long personal talk as aforementioned (I love that word).

In our talk my Young Men's leader told me that I was a leader. I'm not really quite sure where he gets that. Why does he see something that I don't? I'm the one who spends twenty four hours a day, seven days a week with me. Why does he see this?

He told me that people gather around me, that people like me. How can this be so when the people I really want to continue to be my friends leave me? Ho can this be when so many people don't like me?

How can I be a leader, when I apparently am not? How can I be a leader when noone listens to me? How can I be a leader when I'm practically invisible, when I don't exist?

How am I a leader when I am not? How am I a leader when I don't understand how I could be one?

How is someone so general, someone so vague, boring, someone who can lead? How does someone who can simply cease to exist and be unnoticed a leader?

How am I supposed to lead? When I'm not sure if I am?

How am I a leader?

What's In Idaho?

Mood:Death Cab for Cutie

Quote: "I felt I had to share Idaho with my friend from New York because he'd shared New York with me, so I was going to share the beauty of nature with a man who went to museums and clubs late at night. But there was nothing to do where I lived at night. " -Mariel Hemingway

Trip Highlights:

1. Rafting
2. Floating some of the rapids
3. Hot Springs
4. Naked people in hot springs

Blog: For the past week I have told my friends that I would be spending some of my weekend in Idaho. "What's in Idaho?" they always ask, and to be honest, I am still not quites sure. I do know however, that there are naked people in Idaho. After rafting down a river my family, and my dad's friend's family decided to go to Skinny Dipper Springs. As it turned out, this is very appropriately named. Upon hiking up, and ignoring the puking people near the lower hot spring, we came accross a couple who, were completely naked. The suprising thing was that they weren't old. I had always been told that there is good naked, and bad naked. For the most parts, nudist beaches, which were primarily old people (supposedly) were bad naked. I found this quite amusing, and I told my dad I would've joined them, but then my mom said, "But then you realized your mother was here?" Which was the correct reason why I didn't join, not to mention the couple looked like they were trying to be romantic and stay private.

One step closer to being a nudist. Not to mention, the definite highlight for everyone on the trip.

Pirates Ahoy!

Mood: Train

Quote: "Battles about water in the West are always about something more. At their most elemental they are about survival." -Bettina Boxol

A pirate must be:

Blog: Today marks day two of the "slump", and the day of Mark's birthday (no pun intended, if it was it would be more horrible than it is). Today actually went suprisingly well because I didn't have much time to think. For mutual we did an awesome thing, we went rafting downt the Provo River.

Of course when one brings 13 boys age 12-17 and five adult advisers, things are going to get crazy. In this case, I started out as the Captain of our vessel, much like this dude:

Of course, I was much better looking. As I attempted to steer my crew through the treaches of the River, I became a participant in a mutiny. Unfortunately, I was the mutinee. My motley crew would not listen to my commands, and lost all faith in my ability to lead. This ended horribley with me being pushed off the raft. My crew, being the just men they are, did rescue me, and pull me back into the raft. However, I was totally 'moted by a much less good looking pirate named Captain Francis. So, being the 'moted, and unloved captain, I tried my hand at motivating them. This involved sayings such as, "You are weak, but I will make you strong." "Today we do not die in vain," and the wonderful, "My brothers, we may be outnumbered, but we are faster, and in our numbers we are stronger!!! So pull with all your might, and ONWARD HO! We are few but we are strong!"

Oh the days of being a pirate. I was granted my captain spot back, but then usurped once again, but this time by a better looking pirate captain. I was also taken advantage when my defenses were down, and consequently, pushed into the River by an old man who pirates part time. Normally he's a gastrointestinologist, but we just say he is a but doctor. He is Bro. D. I got taken advantage of so badly, I fell in because of a gastrointestinologist who pirates part-time! Of course I am stil alive, and making plans for another voyage. PIRATES, CHARGE!

Exceptional

Mood: Matisyahu

Quote: "The human spirit needs to accomplish, to achieve, and to triumph to be happy." -Ben Stein (American Actor, Lawyer and Economist)

Note: On my last post I forgot one goal of the psychologist. The step is predict. So, my post should have ready: ...observe, describe, explain, predict, control...

If Life were Easy:

1. You only had to take the classes you wanted to
2. School started at 9:00 a.m.
3. All homework would be a labor of love (much like AP Psychology)
4. Your parents could actually help you on your homework, and be there to make dinner
5. One would simply wish it, and it would be set in place (most handy when dealing with the female sex)

Blog: This week was good, just plain old good. Much along the lines of "Okey dokey" "Pretty good" "Fine" "A-O.K." or just plain, "O.K." Nothing exceptional has happened, and it doesn't seem like anything exceptional is going to happen. It's just been, "O.K." and I'm not quite sure why. I just can't figure out what I need to happen, I mean I have a few things I would like to happen, a few things I want to happen, but nothing I need to happen for those want to's and like to's to become real. I just can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. It seems, with all of this going on, I must be entering into my monthly slump.

For those of you who are either unaware, or uneducated in the manner, I tend to go through what I like to call the "monthly slump". Think of it as a mini-depression. The one time a month where I temporarily let down my care-free facade, and become overwhelmed by one thing or another. In this case, its my failure to achieve what I would call the "exceptional life." My failure to live a life, or be the person that is considered exceptional. I consider this life to be:

• One that is enjoyed
• One that is capable of teaching others
• One that is lived to its fullest potential
• One that doesn't need anything else

An exceptional person is:

• One who is truly himself
• One who is comfortable with who he is
• One who is confident
• One who can learn
• One who loves (Romantically and otherwise)
• One who is loved (Romantically and otherwise)

How do I acheive this? What am I missing. Well, I can tell you somethings, but how do I achieve the things I'm missing? There are a lot more than just the fairly obvious ones, what is the the path to being exceptional.

This, is of course what I thought about today as I layed on my trampoline. This is, of course, what I couldn't tell my mom when she asked me what I was thinking about. How could I?

If I Were Me (Which Fortunately I am)

Mood: Death Cab for Cutie

Quote: "It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time." -Winston Churchill (if you don't know who he is you're sad)

What to do When a Friend Irritates You:

• Keep a comfortable distance
• Listen to whatever ignorant argument may be going on
• Sit silently knowing you are right
• Be friendly
• Encourage a comfortable distance to continue

Blog: It seems as though sometimes things changed unexpectedly. Friends come and go, people move, and others simply don't change.

I had some friendly chats with various people today, and was suprised to see how much things have/have not changed. Everything is different, it is a truly wonderful and exciting experience. I don't see the same people I saw "all the time" last year, and I keep bumping into people I hardly knew last year. Mostly I think this is a change for the good. Certain people move on, others simply won't, I continue onward. Some people change their lives fast, others slow, others never.

Here is what I would do if I were me:

First and foremost I would go with the flow. I simply need to observe and adapt, this brings into the four goals of a psychologist: observe, descirbe, explain, control. I bolded the last one because I find it particularly frightening when you think of it out of context. If I learn about what is going on I can control it, if not, oh well.

Secondly, I would enjoy. A great example of this would be my wonderful fall during English today. I leaned a little too far in my chair and made a slow, five second descent into the person behind me. It was absolutely wonderful, embarrassing, but wonderful. I would enjoy every good thing that came to me, and enjoy some of the negative things that were closer to being good also. I would just need to enjoy the moment (and all past moments, and hopefully all future moments as well).

Thirdly, I would most definitely let majorly fine chicks come to me. This semi-ties in with the first thing I would do if I were me. I find letting them come to me a much better alternative than for me coming to them like a dog, crawling, drooling, completely submissive, and without any common sense, not to mention the urge be pet. Now one must remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder (which, in this case, is me). Majorly fine chicks can be fine on the inside, although the outside is nice. This hopefully, would prevent myself from looking like more of an idiot than I already am, of which I nearly did 5 times today.

Fourthly, I will do what I can. There is only so much time in a day, an attention span, and waking hours to do everything that "everyone" wants me to do. If I were me (which I am) I would simply do all I can, and leave the rest up to chance. Although it seems that there is a certain expectation of perfection, this is entirely impossible. One can only do so much and stay sane. Everyone has a different sanity-work-tolerance level, of course one needs to figure out what that is first. If I were me I would make a habit of only doing what I can and not worrying about the rest. Perfection comes with luck, which sometimes I am lucky enough to have.

If I were me, I would definitely follow this advice. It seems that Me has some trouble following it, and I definitely wants Me to do so. As for chicas (and potential chica-friend people) that will have to be for some other time. I and Me will have to argue about it...

Life in the Fast Lane

Mood: Linkin Park

Quote: "Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing." -Lao Tzu (Founder of Taoism)

Class Summary:

1. Seminary-its seminary, although Brother Little is cool. 3/5
2. Basketball-Volleyball- Pretty awesome people, not to mention all the crude violence of a male-dominated P.E. class. 3/5
3. Physiology-Hard but interesting 4/5
4. AP Calc BC-Math, the class is small but so far its cool-4/5
5. AP English-Mrs. V is awesome. 5/5
6. Financial Lit-Why does this even exist? Still an awesome class of people. 4/5
7. AP Spanish-Senior Eskyles es back! I guess he hasn't made an appearance on this blog but he will. 4/5
8. AP Psychology-Freakin' amazing and so interesting. A super diverse class. 5/5

Total score: 33/70

Blog: School began with full force, and as the projected workload continues to expand I had to do something very hard. I had to entire into a semi-retirement. I pretty much had to stop working because I couldn't handle it. I would come home from school, do homework, go to work, and do homework during work. It was crazy. I was already getting behind so I had to tell my manager, it was sad, but she was ok with it.

Other than my tremendous workload I really enjoy my classes. All of the subjects are totally worth the homework, especially AP Psychology. In another week or so, when I finally figure out who is in my class I will do a HLA ("hott"ness level assesment). I guess "hott" girls aren't really what school is about, but it helps (a little). School is great and I'm really looking forward to this year.

A little update on my job, my manager got a boyfriend. Its really funny because she is 5 feet tall and he is a little over 6 feet. We had a funny conversation about him because when I saw him and her in the store I wanted to sing "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne. According to my manager he is, "Hott on soo many levels." This of course is absolutely hysterical when you repeat it to yourself and say, " [Guy's name] you are hott on so many levels." What isn't there to love.

Life has been hectic, but it will get better. Except of course, we aren't good enough for him. Not sure why? We must be too original or something. Oh well, he can be a clone and have a heterosexual high school partner that is, in reality, just a collective conscious of various individuals sectioned into one body. At least my thoughts only belong to me (but then again, who would want them?).