Music and Me

Mood: Reik

Quote: "I'm not superstitious, just a little 'stitious" -Steve Carrell (The Office)

Unfortunately I am like my Dad because:

• In Psychology we learned that your personality is almost exclusively genetic
• 10 percent of how you behave is how you were raised
• My Dad and I laughed at the exact same parts in the office season premier

Blog: I wrote a paper for English and I thought it was pretty good. So I think it is post worthy. Hope you enjoy it.

Music is magic, or so I’ve been told. A note played, a chord struck, something comes out, something more bold than sound. Music is the key to memory and with each song; I relive a part of my life long forgotten. The “playlist of my life” it is sometimes called.
The song begins, I will never find another lover sweeter than you… all of a sudden I am seven again. The sun licking my face, the sounds of seagulls, smell of water. The blue convertible whizzes down the boardwalk, I feel joy, the greatest amount of joy a seven year old who has never felt sorrow can feel. How could I ever leave a place like this, a place so wonderful, so calm? I never saw the faults, there is only me and the sunshine along the shores. And I thank God that I, that I finally found you…
Guitars, a man, I was just out of the service, thumbin’ through the classifieds… The car is dark, there are no beaches, only the neon glow of the car stereo. I’ve long since moved away from beaches, I don’t even remember most of the people there. I live near my grandparents, my family found a house a few blocks away. I’m going to start middle school soon. I feel old, the shadows of trees fly by… For every dream that’s shattered, another one comes true…
Grew up in a small town, and when the rain would fall down, I’d just stare out my window… I can now tell my friends in California what Utah is. I know it snows, I hate snow. I don’t have many friends in my new junior high. I sit in my grayed room, alone. I turn on the radio, a song crackles on. I feel the singer is my friend. Like she understands how my life is. Of course, it is snow, not rain falling down. I understand what music does to me. It makes me feel. I haven’t felt in a while. Out of the darkness and into the sun, I won’t forget all the ones that I love…
“One last song for all of you awesome guys!” I like being called awesome. The organ begins, then the guitars. The sun is gone, the nights are long… My friends from California are with me, I embrace the rhythm as the herd of young men jump up and down in unison. It is the perfect night. I’ll never see my friends again. Swing, swing from the tangles of my heart…
I tried to be perfect, but nothing was worth it… Now I have friends. I like my friends, and sometimes they like me. Right now some of them are upset. I don’t understand yet. They don’t like some of the things I have said. People aren’t always whom they seem to be. I don’t know who I am, I’ve become a good actor. The door closes silently and my skin prickles in the cold. My feet hit the sidewalk, pounding breaks the silence, they move faster. I won’t stop until I understand. I’m better off on my own.
Have to react to get thrown into fractions… I’m experimenting on places to think. I know that I am Harrison. Harrison is a weird kid who is good at writing (at least that is what he is told), Harrison has no personal bubble and, most importantly, Harrison is himself. Right now, as I lay on my trampoline, I don’t know if I am Harrison. My world is crumbling. I don’t feel like I get along with anyone anymore. One of my friends has moved to Boston. I’m glad he isn’t around to see me. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Something just isn’t quite right. With hands held high into the sky so blue as the ocean opens up to swallow you…
The final chords fade asway. I am back, sitting at my computer typing. The pitch of the night impedes my view outside. The keys clack under my lead fingers, while my computer hums in quiet content. My life looks short but feels long. My eyes begin to droop and my memories wash away.

The songs are as follows:

• All My Life-K-Ci & Jojo
• Ridng with Private Malone-David Ball
• Breakaway-Kelly Clarkson
• Swing Swing-All American Rejects
• Pieces-Sum 41
• Hands Held High-Linkin Park

Noviembre Sin Ti & Revelations

Mood: Pretty much the coolest mexican band ever. Reik.

Quote: "B's are grades for lazy "A" students." -My mommy

A thing you should totally check (Pretty much just a shout-out to the Samuel).

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m28izhZVHa8&NR=1
• Everyone make sure to check out Tanner's blog and bug him about posting. http://goingonlife.blogspot.com/

Blog: The English translation to Noviembre Sin Ti (November Without You):

the afternoon goes away/fades, the sky appears gray without you quiet on the beach i cry for you in the silence once more my pain drowns me and i can't live the waves don't talk to me of you sitting on the beach i write your name again why do i miss you from that november when we dreamt togehterin longing for eachother always, it pains me this cold november when the leaves fall to die forevernovember without you is to feel that the rain tells me, crying, that it all ended, november without you is to ask the moon that shines in the nightof my heart again...and again i'd like tell you that i want to return your name that has written on my skin already it is daybreak i continue waiting for you once more why do i miss you from that november when we dreamt together in longing for eachother always, it pains me this cold november when the leaves fall to die forever...november without you is to feel that the rain tells me, crying, that it all ended, november without you is to ask the moon that shines in the night of my heart again... and again...

I like it in spanish better, but it is still an awesome song.

My sister is treading down a rather bad path. It started in junior high, she acted like the people I always hated. The ones that would procrastinate til' the end and never turn in homework. My sister was like them (although rather milder), and now she is worse. She just doesn't do her homework and she fights my mom on everything about it. So of course, my parents finally decide to punish her. She has to learn, I have a horrible GPA (3.55 :( ) but I'm in hard classes, and working. She simply doesn't turn in assignments.

The really sad part is she doesn't understand why my parents are upset at her. She isn't as talented as me (academically speaking) but she is still a competent "A" student. She is capable of doing very well in every one of her classes (Interior design? Human Bio?) but she refuses to try. And of course, when my mom finally comes down on her she freaks out. My parents gave her two years in junior high to not do anything, something I never had. For me it was always, "You are making habits for high school, I don't want to see any more of this" for her it was, "Its ok for junior high, but in High School I expect better." She had two free years and now she is mad because she doesn't do anything.

She is probably talking on the phones to her friends saying how evil her parents are. I know people like her, its not cool to be smart. I understand them perfectly. It just so happens that I sit next to a possible future for her in Physiology.

Currently he has a 1.0 GPA and cheats on everything. Today he and his friend (Gaymeisters #'s 1 and 2) came up with the idea to cheat by texting Google the questions. Its completely unbelievable, it didn't work, at least I think not. That is a possible future for her, one of those people. One of those people that I can't stand. Because, all her friends are those people. It's a shame really.

Homecoming (Where Do I Begin...)

Mood: Death Cab for Cutie

Quote: "Every time you date someone with an issue you have to ignore, you're settling." -Anonymous

Dating Tips (Drake Frost)
*I haven't found any websites that say exactly what I want them to about the etiquette of dating. Mostly it is just one end of the spectrum or another. So here it goes.

1. Remember that a date is not hanging out. You are with your date
2. No matter how good of a friend is on the same date with you, you are still with your date and as such, you should remember to get to know your date and not the latest gossip.
3. Do not try to get into another person's car because your friend is in there.
4. Let the young man be a gentleman.
5. Dance, have a good time, not matter how bad your experiences as a six-year-old were.
6. Do not text at dinner, or any other time during your date. Because your date has his cell phone to coordinate with the rather large group he is in, does not mean that you should use your phone to text your friends and family members.

Blog: Homecoming, where do I begin. I guess I should probably begin at the beginning, that way the reader(s) will be able to decide if it is just me, or in fact, my date, or the Date that was the problem.

Planning the Homecoming date was incredibly stressful for me because most of the young men, being young men, in my group are horrible communicators. I had to get everyone together, make everyone plan, and of course, solve the myriad of problems that would come our way. One of these came at ten o'clock in the morning on the day of our date. We were supposed to have four video cameras for our video scavenger hunt. One guy was supposed to bring two video cameras, however, he woke up to find that one was missing (his dad had taken it unknowingly). I had one hour until I was supposed to be picking up my date. I called everyone I knew and eventually had to settle for just having three video cameras. That was ok, not a big deal.

Keep in mind, my group was comprised of nine couples, eighteen people in total. This meant, seven individual cars, three separate groups for our video scavenger hunt, three dinner groups, and an incredibly difficult time communicating to everyone what to do. So, of course, it was absolutely neccessary for me to have my cell phone with me. I made sure only to use it when I had to call someone in our group to coordinate or answer a question.

I made my way to the door, rang the doorbell, where I was greeted by my date, Lisa. I was then taken inside to meet her family, and then we left to meet at the park. Upon arriving at the park, we found the pavillion was taken, so we relocated to a grassy area. Two of the couples, one of whom was in charge of buns didn't show up until an hour later, which was scary, but ended up being ok because the burgers weren't ready yet.

My date has a friend that was also in our group. Her name is Ashley. I think I greatly underestimated their "friendship" if you want to call it that.

Once we were done setting up and the food was underway, my date ran off, and hung out with Ashley, at this point I decided that not going out to dinner with Ashley and her date was a good idea. After lunch, we split off into groups for the video scavenger hunt (which was way fun). Of course, Ashley was in our group with her date, and one more couple was going to go into my car. Ashley and her date were going to go in her date's car. Simple, we would meet at the nearby mall, and our entire Homecoming group would meet back at the park in a couple of hours swap stories, give our camera's to the camera master, and then drop our dates off to get ready. Easy. However, my date didn't really understand what a date was.

"I'm going to go in the car with Ashley," She announced to me.

"WHAT?" I had never heard of such an obscene idea, going into a car without your date. What in the world?

"Yeah, I have to make sure she doesn't do anything bad with her date," She said matter-of-factly.

"No, just get into the car, lets go."

"But I want to go with Ashley." I couldn't believe it, I was getting into an argument about whether or not my date should be in the car with me. Did hell freeze over? Fortunately, the couple in the back intervened, and she begrudgingly sat down in my car.

We met up at the mall, and had a lot of fun getting followed by mall security and videotaping ourselves doing crazy things. I dropped my date off, edited most of the videos, fought through post-BYU Homecoming traffic, and forgot to pick up her corsage. My parents, being the wonderful people they are, picked it up for me because I was already running late.

I picked up my date, and somehow, it managed to get worse. She texted the rest of the night. TEXTED! What was going on? Was her brother, or her sister, or Ashley buying her dinner? No. It was me, and all I ask for is some interraction. Ashley didn't even have her phone with her ( I know this because my date told me, don't you think she could pick up on that hint?), of course, Lisa still texted her phone.

We then went to the Homecoming dance where my date refused to dance. This was probably the most painless part of all of it because I was kind of able to ignore her, not dancing, and mess around with friends, who were dancing.

We then made our trek to the house of a kid in my group named Eric. Once we got there, all she did was talk to his sisters, text, and talk to his parents. Everyone was talking with their dates and eachother except myself. I then brought her home (to rid myself of the torment), and listened to music.

It was unbelievable. I should have handed her 60 dollars and she could have gone by herself, with me driving. At least then I would have been able to do something more worthwhile.

The Benefits of the Absence of Friends

Mood: Augustana

Quote: "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." -William Blake

Why sometimes it is better to not care:

• You will be disappointed
• You will invest time and effort
• Eventually you will get no return (see first bullet)
• You will get screwed in the end.
• The results are inevitable

Blog: Here is the low down:

Friday Night:

1. See two quote unquote "primary" friends at football game.
2. Talk to friends, as well as various other people at football game
3. Decide that after the game we (as a definite collective unit) should attend the stag dance after the football game.
4. Game ends, 42-o (our win).
5. Talk to ex-Human Biology teacher because he is awesome
6. Get phonecall reminding me that I missed one friend's drum solo (oops :-(
7. Participate in Spanish clean-up, meet and talk to cute sophmore cheerleader.
8. Think about cute sophmore cheerleader girl.
9. Go to stag dance (as intended)
10. Try to call/text "primary" friends
11. Find out that friends have gone to some girls house
12. Go to other girls house
13. After making some phone calls, find out what girls house.
14. Call girl (D-walk answeres) try to convince him to give the phone to "primary" friends
15. Hear, "Its ? Don't answer it."
16. Text one "primary" friend , "If you need to talk call me. I heard you on the phone, I can go down to 's house and we can talk there.
17. Within thirty seconds, recieve phone call from one "primary" friend

Thats how the first part of my Friday night went. Of course then our conversation proceeded:

"Dude what's up? What's your problem?"-Me

"Nothing."-Him

"You didn't call or text, I went to the stag dance because I thought you were going to be there. What the heck?"

"I don't know"

"I heard you guys on the phone, what's going on?"

"We thought you could take the hint."

"A hint? What do you think I am, a girl? Dude, I don't play pussy games, be a man. Tell me straight up, if you don't want to hang, just let me know, I went to the dance, it sucked, but I thought you guys were going to be there, thats why I went."

"Sorry, we won't do that next time."

"You could at least tell me, 'Oh sorry I forgot' or 'Go to hell' or something, I don't want to have to play these girl games with you."

"Sorry, just thought you could take the hint."

"What? That I should go to hell? Just tell me go to hell?"

"Umm, well, I guess. See, Casey (girl) was just sick of Albino and he was bugging her, and she told us not to say anything. And yeah."

"So Casey is worth Albino and my friendship? Is that what your saying?"

"I don't know, its not just her, its like twenty other girls. It was like all or nothing."

"So a bunch of silly girls are worth two people who have been your friends since freshman year?"

"Umm, I don't know."

"Well tell me right now, just tell me 'Go to hell'. Why didn't you just say something?"

"We didn't want to be rude."

"You didn't want to be rude? So hiding like little girls was better?"

"Umm. I guess not, it won't happend next time."

"So you were to pussy and didn't have a backbone to do anything? To tell me to 'Go to hell' straight up?"

"Yeah I guess not."

"Whatever dude. So I'll take it as 'Go to hell'"

"Yeah. Maybe we should hang tomorrow."

"Unless of course you want to hang out with people that don't like me. They're probably more important."

"Yeah."

-Hang up phone-

Throw phone at comfy chair, "Fagotts, I hate you."

Sit down, watch Mean Girls.

This is how I realized that it is better to not have friends. I knew it was coming (see previous blog post), I just didn't know when. To be honest it sucked, it sucked bad. To wake up the next morning and realize that out of your five "core" friends one remains, and he almost doesn't count (primarily because he's your neighbor). It sucked, but life moves on, and so, by default you must too. This is what happens to me, I always get screwed over by friends. Always. The first time it sucks. Than you think it doesn't really matter, and it happens again. It may be different friends, but it happens (see first post). It is a law of the universe, I always get screwed over. It is a fact I'm just realizing. A fact that has come to me just barely, something that won't change. I always get screwed over.

Now one must understand, I don't have a love interest, so a lot of the time I would put into a relationship I put into a friendship. Obviously some people don't care that much, they only care about themselves. Only whats important to them, how it makes them feel. Now they "feel bad" for what they did. They "feel bad" four days later, and think they can make nice with Albino and relay a message? I think not. So as these invertebrates crawl through school, scuffling to and fro, approaching me as if nothing happened, that because they feel like crap they need to apologize. I don't do something to fulfill self-righteous desires, just because they want to feel good. It takes a lot more than words, a lot more than words to erase that night. A lot more than words to erase the deeds done, the words said, the feelings felt, the time I layed on my bed and wanted to cry. It takes a lot more than words. A lot more than anything to erase what happened, to recover something before that time. They should try filling in the Grand Canyone, it might be easier. I do not get screwed twice. Never. Not anymore.

A friendly wave from across the street? So what if it might have been wrong, the erected middle finger felt good. For once, I'm doing what made me feel good, without thinking how they felt. Now I know, I don't need friends. I thought I knew it once, but now I know.

Friends screw you over. Suck up your time. Always pretend to be fine. Lie to your face. To save them some. Forget when you were there, what you have done. Forget what they did, why they're there. Forget the support, how you relied, how they depended. And all your time brings back nothing. Zero dividends, zero benefits, you might have well not worked.

That is why having no friends is better. My nights are free, I have not obligations. All I have to think about is me. Besides, sometimes the price is too high. In the words of a once-friend:

"Its all or nothing."

In the Dark Change Speaks

Mood: Linkin Park

Quote: "When we are no longer to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." -Victor Frankle

Basically, My Schedule:

1. Wake up
2. Get ready for school
3. Go to school
4. Come home
5. Do Homework
6. Sleep

Blog: I always think at night. Keep me up late enough and I start to wax philisophical, like really philisophical. I don't know why, I just do. I think better, maybe because of the lack of external stimuli, maybe because I feel alone.

That, however, is beside the point. The unexpected glue that held us together is gone, who knew? Who knew that he was the glue? No one, not even him. Now we are slowing breaking apart. The most determined piece is gone. But the rest of us? The rest of us who hung in there together, who did favors for one another? We are breaking, crumbling, falling apart. We like most things put to time are eroding, blowing away, becoming no more.

We, those who fought, those who stood by, those who sacrificed. We are becoming no more. I feel it, I know it, it is gone. What was once is now lost. Forever, never, we thought we were clever, but now we are not. Not but lost memories, lost thoughts, lost dreams, lost hopes, lost aspirations. We are I, a million particles of sand, crumbled from the mighty mountain that was Us. We are but not, and woe is us. Woe is our memories, woe what we were!

And as I lay in the dark, change speaks.

Leadership

Mood: Mat Kearney

Quote: "Management is doing things right, leadership is doing the right things." -Peter F. Drucker

Movie Review:

• Fracture-Anthony Hopkins plays a brilliant engineer who kills his wife, and plans the perfect alibi. According to my dad the movie is really realistic in its portrayal of some aspects of law, especially the law terms. Although it does have a problem with language, which doesn't add anything, its still really good. 4.5/5

Things I've For Homecoming:

• Ask
• Get a response
• Get a group

Things I Need to Do for Homecoming:

• Plan Date
• Talk to people in my group
• Find something to wear

Blog: Today I had a very personal talk with my Young Men's leader on certain premises. Of course, I was very upset that I had to talk to him because it involved me apologizing for something I did not believe was wrong. This of course, as an apology always does, involves a long personal talk as aforementioned (I love that word).

In our talk my Young Men's leader told me that I was a leader. I'm not really quite sure where he gets that. Why does he see something that I don't? I'm the one who spends twenty four hours a day, seven days a week with me. Why does he see this?

He told me that people gather around me, that people like me. How can this be so when the people I really want to continue to be my friends leave me? Ho can this be when so many people don't like me?

How can I be a leader, when I apparently am not? How can I be a leader when noone listens to me? How can I be a leader when I'm practically invisible, when I don't exist?

How am I a leader when I am not? How am I a leader when I don't understand how I could be one?

How is someone so general, someone so vague, boring, someone who can lead? How does someone who can simply cease to exist and be unnoticed a leader?

How am I supposed to lead? When I'm not sure if I am?

How am I a leader?

What's In Idaho?

Mood:Death Cab for Cutie

Quote: "I felt I had to share Idaho with my friend from New York because he'd shared New York with me, so I was going to share the beauty of nature with a man who went to museums and clubs late at night. But there was nothing to do where I lived at night. " -Mariel Hemingway

Trip Highlights:

1. Rafting
2. Floating some of the rapids
3. Hot Springs
4. Naked people in hot springs

Blog: For the past week I have told my friends that I would be spending some of my weekend in Idaho. "What's in Idaho?" they always ask, and to be honest, I am still not quites sure. I do know however, that there are naked people in Idaho. After rafting down a river my family, and my dad's friend's family decided to go to Skinny Dipper Springs. As it turned out, this is very appropriately named. Upon hiking up, and ignoring the puking people near the lower hot spring, we came accross a couple who, were completely naked. The suprising thing was that they weren't old. I had always been told that there is good naked, and bad naked. For the most parts, nudist beaches, which were primarily old people (supposedly) were bad naked. I found this quite amusing, and I told my dad I would've joined them, but then my mom said, "But then you realized your mother was here?" Which was the correct reason why I didn't join, not to mention the couple looked like they were trying to be romantic and stay private.

One step closer to being a nudist. Not to mention, the definite highlight for everyone on the trip.