If I May

Mood: Wyclef Jean (Carnival 2: Memoirs of an Immagrant) and Fort Minor (Rising Tide)

Quote: "For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness."-Author Unkown

Countdown to my birthday: 24 days

Blog:
My Dearest Friend,
Man is designed to care, our greatest feature, our most fatal flaw. We care, we cannot control it, but we care. You say you don't care about anything anymore (I have your blog open as I'm typing this), "[you] don't give a crap about anything anymore." Actually, you care about not caring. Do not let this become your passion. To put it into your own words, you give a crap about not giving a crap. Never let yourself become so focused, so caring, on not caring that you amputate yourself from the body that is mankind. A limb is meant to be attached ninety nine out of every one hundred instants. You, Friend, you are meant to be attached. I know what it is like to want to be away from people. You can read my thoughts on that throughout my blog, listen to your own advice, and let me say from experience, it is much better to be attached to the body the purposely amputated from it.
We are what we are. We can only do so much, which unfortunately, in the big picture is very little. Accept that. Let yourself do what little anyone in the world can do, then let the rest take care of itself. Let the uncontrollable things in life wash over and baptize you in their pain, sorrow, and joy. Let the uncontrollabe problems be just that, uncontrollabe. Treat them like the weather, adapt to the days demands and nothing more. Often times we treat our problems much the opposite. We attempt to change them, to tackle them by ourselves or with others. I say we should share them with our friends, or keep them to ourselves, do what little we can and feel them flow over us, let us be born again through them.
That is all we can do. Don't you understand? Tip the ball and hopes it falls the direction we want it to. The former statement still enlarges and exagerates the amount of control we have over our problems. All we can really do is pray for a weather change which may never happen, but we can only hope, and until our long awaited sunny day, we must dress for the weather.
My friend, your only flaw is caring to much.
Yours Truly,
Drake Frost

I did this with my iPod touch, and I feel cool.

A Song

Mood: For once, nothing.

Quote: "I thought about Hassan's dream, the one about us swimming in the lake. There is no monster, he'd said, just water. Except he'd been wrong about that. There was a monster in the lake. It had grabbed Hassan by the ankles, dragged him to the murky bottom. I was the monster." -The Kite Runner (pg. 86)

Blog: I'm currently engaged in writing a song on my guitar. Its not amazing, the guitar part is really pretty, but I'm having difficulty witht he lyrics. I read The Kite Runner in two days (yesterday and today), and its really good. It started me thinking about making my guitar song about redemption, and maybe with a little love thrown in. This is what I have so far:

Be Right

You see his face in the mirror
Looking back into your eyes
All your sins and wasted sorry's
Staring with the stony eyes
(And) all you want is to undo it
Go back into the light

Time does not change
Time cannot change
Time must stay the same
Time must stay the same

The pain haunts through the day
Only comes out in the night
Your pillow's wet another day
Trying to make it right
The pain is in you
You can't make it right

Change for me
Change it now
Loose the binding
Chains from hell

I called you yesterday
To hear a voice not yours
I would crawl to find a way
I would make you right

Redemption is pain
Felt to make things right
Please, Please
Please let us be right

Clouds

Mood: Sufjan Stevens
Quote: "God is love. Love is blind. Ray Charles is blind. Ray Charles is God."-Anonymous Graffiti (I found this in my AP Psych book).

Things I want for Christmas:

1. Love
2. A girlfriend that meets the aforementioned requirements (sorry to those of you who are not 26ers).
3. A Wii
4. No homework (yeah right)
5. The newest Zits treasury (Alternative Zits)

Thats just some of the awesome things I put.

Blog: ***This is my naturalist essay I wrote for English, I thought it was pretty good***

I stared at the sky. The endless, near infinite, expanse of gray-blue that makes one feel small. On this quiet September afternoon I pondered the objects in the sky. There are many of them; shirts left on a dirty floor, white on top, a dusted gray on bottom. They float, snowballs filled with helium, like opaque balloons that refuse to come down. They are the little wonders we call clouds.
Clouds, like any other thing in nature, must be observed long enough for one to notice their magnificence. A cloud is not one organism but a conglomerate of numerous individuals each attempting to blend in. Each hulking herd moves slowly, lumbering past other members of its race without a wave hello or a slight nod. Each cloud-herd dwells in complete isolation from those outside it. Each herd passes without knowledge, self-obsessed with how it looks externally, whether it is fluffy, shaped correctly and so on. “Are we white enough?” cloudlings wonder, “Are you with them because I know I’m with you, and if I’m with you and you are with the rest, then I must be with the rest.” So the cloudlings continue to fuss, focused on the trivial logic of being together, so focused on the mass.
On a rare occasion, however, I noticed a cloudling break free of its invisible bonds, a small wisp in the middle of giant herds, floating in a sea of blue. This individual cloudling lasted for a second before it was consumed by another mass. Then another wisp would break free, only to be absorbed by a separate collective entity. Then a thousand wisps broke free, “I am me, not all of you,” they say as they collide to form the mass of I-am-me-not-all-of-you.
So I see it is with society. We wander the vast expanse of life so consumed with our own appearance and involvement that we are completely ignorant of someone else a hair’s breadth away. We lumber, all of us, part of a living mass, a collective conscience. Then, on rare occasion we assert our individuality. “I am an individual!” we exclaim proudly, “I am not a clone!” and then we break free like a wisp in the sky, only to be reabsorbed by another mass. “I am a reject,” one says. Each “reject” wisp then congregates to form a mass of “rejects”. So it appears when a group of “individuals” who go against “societal norms” dress the same. They dress different than myself, but the exact same as their comrades.
It is then I realize, underneath the clouds, that we are never truly individuals. We can reject, accept, or change whatever we would like and for a moment we may be individuals. Then, in a blink of an eye, we realize that once again we are the same as those around us. So when someone says to me, “At least I am original.” I often think of clouds.

I'll Be Deep and Profound Later

Mood: Ghetto Gospel

Quote: "The nicest thing about standards is there are so many to choose from."-Andres S. Tannebaum

Videos you should listen to:

• Ghetto Gospel (Tupac ft. Elton John) : http://youtube.com/watch?v=jsHkuWanobE
• Come thou Fount (Sufjan Stevens) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1bSlS6OWTs
• Where'd You Go (Fort Minor) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KN4wNKEwzEY

Blog: Let me be deep later. I'll post my essay (which I like) later. I'll do a lot of things later, just let me be normal. I'll be thoughtful tomorrow, deep the day after. Today I want to be unthoughtful and totally shallow.

A couple people have been saying that I won't get a girlfriend because I'm too picky. This is true, although some myths, such as that my significant other needs to be a model and a genious are untrue. I will create the list, to verify all the questions, and dispel (and prove) assumptions and thoughts that one would have about myself, and my standards.

So it begins. The list. In no particular order, but some can be modified.

1. Sense of humor-whats the point if she doesn't laugh?
2. Inteligent-geniuses (or geni) are scary, but a little brain in the ol' noggin never hurt anyone. Your head is supposed to store more than air.
3. Likes my friends-yes, even the retarded ones. Especially my nerdy ones.
4. Relaxed-likes to chill and not worry about anything.
5. Not controlling-lets me be me and doesn't automatically assume things that are completely ridiculous.
6. Has a cell phone-I found that it helps, having had many relationships vicariously through my friends.
7. Appreciates silence-when conversation dies away, its ok. Enjoys the quiet times by herself.
8. Open-will talk about what needs to be talked about, doesn't hide things.
9. Knows a little about video games-understands basic concepts (such as they system should be turned off when switching games on a Nintendo 64 etc.)
10. Likes herself-its no fun having to constantly reassure the person in question they are pretty or something like that.
11. Adventurous (so not spelt right)-likes to try new things.
12. Enjoys food-eats good food, likes sushi and other exotic dishes.
13. Has common sense-eliminates (or greatly reduces) the occurance of "Are you kidding me?" moments.
14. Doesn't limit-Never uses "I'm blonde" or "Thats just how I am" as an excuse. Doesn't classify herself.
15. Knows about music-pretty self-explanatory.
16. Good-looking-good-looking to me and tries to keep herself looking nicely.
17. Self-confident-not arrogant. Accepts when she is wrong, knows when she is right.
18. Doesn't have a personal bubble- maybe not as extreme as me, but not a compulsive three foot box person.
19. Fun-likes to put herself out there, likes to have fun. Doesn't mind looking stupid at a friend's house.
20. Not embarrassed by me
21. Excepts me-odds are, I'm not really going to change, much.
22. Understands-knows when its time to be serious, and when to joke.
23. Enjoys being with me-doesn't care if we're just hittin' it up on the couch or partying with some friends. Likes the fact that I'm there
24. Independent-Doesn't mind doing different things from time to time. Lets me go off on my own and fully capable of doing the aforementioned by hereself.
25. Accepts Life-knows that somethings don't change, and some do.
26. Doesn't do drugs
27. Inquisitive-asks questions and likes to learn
28. Thinks learning is more important than a GPA
29. Appreciates the little things-a raindrop. a walk, sunshine. Likes the nice things that usually go unnoticed.
30. Liked by my friends and family-not really all that good if noone else likes you.
31. Doesn't get offended-if I do something stupid lets it go, if someone says something offensive, forgets about it.

Being a supermodel would help too. So there you go. I'm picky, may I never stop being so.

A Pleasant Suprise

Mood: Ministry of Magic (nerdy wizardrock band Samuel showed me)

Quote: "Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts." ~Author Unknown

I've been really lucky on this trip:

1. There were no lines!!!!!!! (Yet, I still have to fly home)
2. I haven't made my cousin cry.
3. I finished Ender's Game, and I will finish 1984.
4. I met a way cool guy.
5. I had a good dinner (that wasn't really lucky, I knew it would be good).
6. I totally fell in love with the Wii (but I still like the Xbox 360, the internal struggle is so intense).

Movie Review:

Dan In Real Life- Finally. Finally. Finally, I saw it. Finally. It was awesome. Relatively intelligent humor, Steve Carrell is better than he is in the office. There isn't any sex or naughty things like that and its clean basically. You just have to see it. 4.5/5 stars

Blog: Tomorrow I leave North Carolina to arrive at my home. Strangely, North Carolina (or rather the area I'm in in it) is home to a world famous whitewater park. Who would have thought? So of course, being the wannabe whitewater junkie that I am, I took a lesson with my Dad. It was really fun even though its like 50 something outside and the water was 50 degrees. I totally lost feeling in my hands, but it was awesome. I'm probably coming back next summer to for a week to do some more lessons, then I will hopefully be able to go on a couple weekend trips with some friends. I'll even break the rules and let some girls go if they want (naughty, well, kinda naughty).

Here are a few quotes from my cousins."

• " why do you have lots of zits on your face?"-Carly (she's a young lass)
• " why do you have red dots on your face?"-Ethan (a younger lad)
• To me: "You're wierd" To Ethan: "No I'm not" To me: "Yeah you are and your farts smelt so bad, woowee, do you remember that?" To Ethan: "I'm not weird, and my farts still smell bad."-Conversation with Ethan, he's five.
• "Are you wearing a bra?"-Ethan to a younger cousin of mine (who I think is like 10 or 11)
• "He has two cowlicks. That's freaky, its like two eyes in the back of his head. Ethan, are you an alien?"-My Dad
• "You have chubby cheeks, its like fat and stuff."-Ethan to my Dad
• "I'm gonna leave here with a complex." -The Dadman
• Ethan: "Mommy does your brain ever stop talking to you?" My Aunt:"What kind of things is your brain saying to you?" (He meant thinking) Me:"Kill the wench."
• "He spelt my name and I felt cool, then my mom reminded me that my name was his last name so I felt significanly less cool." Me to my uncle

Thats my vacation in a nutshell. Its been suprisingly good.

Thanksgiving to the World

Mood: Augustana

Quote: "A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving." -Lao Tzu

If I were at home for Thanksgiving:

1. I wouldn't have to worry about lines in airports.


2. I wouldn't be in my dad's office


3. My mom wouldn't have had to give the same talk to my dad and I about being social and not complaining.


4. I would be playing Halo 3 tonight


5. I would be just getting out of school.

Blog: Yes, I am doing the worst thing one can do on Thanksgiving weekend, travelling. My mother says I should be a tigger instead of an eeyore. So here is my positive outlook:

• I get to fly six hours and wait in forever long lines in airports!


• I get to go make one of my cousins cry (not on purpose, I'm just too witty)!


• I get to go to North Carolina!


• I don't know why I would be excited about that one!


• I get an awesome Thanksgiving Dinner!

I am sarcastic about all of the aforementioned (I totally love that word) things except for the last one. So to the weary Thanksgiving Travelling Warrior and to those who feel left out because they are staying home. Happy Thanksgiving Weekend!!!!!!!!

May you enjoy your lines (or lack thereof).

A Poem

Mood: Whatever

Blog:

Wandering
Watching
Wishing
Waiting

Gossip on the right
Giggles on the left
Fake smiles
False joy

They pass
I sit

Waiting
Watching
Wishing

I was once them
Flanked by friends
Now alone
Atteneded by air
Damned to despair

Searching for a friend
Silent prayers
Wishing for a stranger
Waiting for a friend
Still I sit

Waiting
Watching
Wishing

Up and down
Here and there
Materialize
Become real

Become true
Speak
Think
Become real
Still I go

Wandering
Waiting
Wishing

Forced smiles
Feighned delight
Dissolution
Once again

Waiting
Wishing

No place to wander
So I sit
Praying
Pleading

And still no one

Boot Camp

Mood: Louis Armstrong

Quote: "People try to predict the future, visionaries change it." -An ad I found in Time.

I wish:

1. There was more time in the day
2. I didn't have as much homework
3. I could write as well, and as fast, as I can think
4. If people were in love with me I would know who they were
5. I lived in an eternal summer

Blog: I decided, approximately thirty minutes ago that I needed to learn more. That I wasn't quite where I wanted to be, so, I tore down my story that I had been writing over the last two weeks (nearly 9 pages) and threw them away. I decided, I haven't read enough. I haven't figure out language enough. So, I went through my house, pulled off ten or eleven books that I decided to read, ranging from Benjamin Franklin to Walden and sat them in a pile. I have also devised a new regiment that I will attempt to follow. It is as follows:

• I will, over the next few months base most entertainment on literature.
• When I am not doing homework, I will be reading
• When I am not reading, I will be writing
• When I am not writing I will be playing guitar.
• I will only watch T.V. to watch: House, Heroes, The Office, and possibly Cold Case, or something special with the family.
• I will limit video games played to 2.5 hours a week (they promote creativity for me, I think so)
• I will only be on the computer, other than the reason specified, for posting, checking e-mail, and writing or doing homework. Other computer-based activities will be added as I enter phase two

This is to begin immediately and last for the next few months. Wish me luck, and if you have any book recomendations, please add one at any time and state the reason why.

Yours Truly,

Drake Frost

Life Goes On

Mood: The One Fine Day Soundtrack

Quote: "Its like our teachers thought, 'Well nobody is going to give you homework, so I guess I should, to further your education'. Unfortunately, all our teachers didn't bother to check with one another." -Kyle "Albino"

List of Homework:

• Physiology flahscards
• Physiology Cell Packet (mostly completed)
• Physiology Vocabulary worksheet
• Financial Literacy job interviews
• English (just multiply this by like a billion)
• Calculus Chain Rule (completed)
• Calculus Implicit Differentiation a.k.a. Chain Rule made longer
• Psychology Bag project
• Psychology Outlines

Movie Review: Trapped by the Mormons-A 1922 anti-mormon propaganda silent film. Lets just say its absolutely hysterical. The missionary dude looks like Dracula, and he has two evil missionary cronies. People being thrown of stairwells, and such lines as "Moonbeam" and "She is just jealous because you are so fair. So fair and delightsome" make this possibly the greatest movie ever made. 5/5

Blog: You never really get a break anymore, and I'm only writing because I started getting ready to go to work (we are doing inventory) earlier than I was actually supposed to. I have recently started the "Gentleman's Think Tank" with two of my friends where once a month we go out to Lunch or Dinner and discuss matters of religion, girls, life, psychology, and philosophy, or whatever else takes our fancy. This is all I can say about it for right now.

Time for work. Lets just say life has fallen into obscurity, but it continues to go at the same speed.

Ophelia's Legacy, Daisy's Desire

Mood: Pat Monahan and others

Quote: "If only we could stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time." -Edith Wharton

Best Things:

• Getting free stuff at restaurants
• Getting entirely unexpected and joyful flatteries
• People remembering your name
• Finding that most of your observations aren't just you

Blog: As I sat in English today amongst the intelligent, irritating, awesome, and the interesting, a topic came up, Daisy in The Great Gatsby. In the novel Daisy understands everything that goes on, she knows her husband is cheating on her but she chooses to act oblivious, and idiotic. In fact she goes so far as to desire that her daughter grows up to be a "pretty little fool", someone who is unaware of everything that goes on.

I have noticed this, to some extent amongst people, mostly girls, who wander the halls of my school. Many intelligent girls who are intelligent and quick witted, but they choose instead to be percieved as dull and ditzy. I began noticing this my freshman year and have been even more aware of it in recent events (if you read the post about my sister). A few of those girls are in my class, and it continually frustrates me, forcing me one step closer to a cliff. Are there not a thousand others who would gladly take inherit their natural gifts? Are there not an endless number of souls who crave intelligence? Natural ability? But these selected individuals throw it away, or at least disguise it, destroy it.

So, I raised my hand. And in a much more polite fashion related Daisy to these girls who I have so oft seen. That is when I learned the most fantastic information. It wasn't just me (and my friends who I pointed it out to), but a plethora of others who have written books, books, and done psychological studies, actual studies. It was the most liberating feeling, it wasn't just me, there were others who noticed the neuropsychological plague. The greatest feeling of all, was that it had a name. The Ophelia Complex.

"The Ophelia Complex describes adolescent girls who are concerned with acceptance and obedience and become unhealthy mentally due to their concern about how others perceive them." (http://www.case.edu/orgs/sigmataudelta/submissions/baus-ophelia.htm)

Of course this also affects men, but it has a greater occurance in those of the female sex. Who would have thought that my ideas would have a name?

I am not alone.

Music and Me

Mood: Reik

Quote: "I'm not superstitious, just a little 'stitious" -Steve Carrell (The Office)

Unfortunately I am like my Dad because:

• In Psychology we learned that your personality is almost exclusively genetic
• 10 percent of how you behave is how you were raised
• My Dad and I laughed at the exact same parts in the office season premier

Blog: I wrote a paper for English and I thought it was pretty good. So I think it is post worthy. Hope you enjoy it.

Music is magic, or so I’ve been told. A note played, a chord struck, something comes out, something more bold than sound. Music is the key to memory and with each song; I relive a part of my life long forgotten. The “playlist of my life” it is sometimes called.
The song begins, I will never find another lover sweeter than you… all of a sudden I am seven again. The sun licking my face, the sounds of seagulls, smell of water. The blue convertible whizzes down the boardwalk, I feel joy, the greatest amount of joy a seven year old who has never felt sorrow can feel. How could I ever leave a place like this, a place so wonderful, so calm? I never saw the faults, there is only me and the sunshine along the shores. And I thank God that I, that I finally found you…
Guitars, a man, I was just out of the service, thumbin’ through the classifieds… The car is dark, there are no beaches, only the neon glow of the car stereo. I’ve long since moved away from beaches, I don’t even remember most of the people there. I live near my grandparents, my family found a house a few blocks away. I’m going to start middle school soon. I feel old, the shadows of trees fly by… For every dream that’s shattered, another one comes true…
Grew up in a small town, and when the rain would fall down, I’d just stare out my window… I can now tell my friends in California what Utah is. I know it snows, I hate snow. I don’t have many friends in my new junior high. I sit in my grayed room, alone. I turn on the radio, a song crackles on. I feel the singer is my friend. Like she understands how my life is. Of course, it is snow, not rain falling down. I understand what music does to me. It makes me feel. I haven’t felt in a while. Out of the darkness and into the sun, I won’t forget all the ones that I love…
“One last song for all of you awesome guys!” I like being called awesome. The organ begins, then the guitars. The sun is gone, the nights are long… My friends from California are with me, I embrace the rhythm as the herd of young men jump up and down in unison. It is the perfect night. I’ll never see my friends again. Swing, swing from the tangles of my heart…
I tried to be perfect, but nothing was worth it… Now I have friends. I like my friends, and sometimes they like me. Right now some of them are upset. I don’t understand yet. They don’t like some of the things I have said. People aren’t always whom they seem to be. I don’t know who I am, I’ve become a good actor. The door closes silently and my skin prickles in the cold. My feet hit the sidewalk, pounding breaks the silence, they move faster. I won’t stop until I understand. I’m better off on my own.
Have to react to get thrown into fractions… I’m experimenting on places to think. I know that I am Harrison. Harrison is a weird kid who is good at writing (at least that is what he is told), Harrison has no personal bubble and, most importantly, Harrison is himself. Right now, as I lay on my trampoline, I don’t know if I am Harrison. My world is crumbling. I don’t feel like I get along with anyone anymore. One of my friends has moved to Boston. I’m glad he isn’t around to see me. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Something just isn’t quite right. With hands held high into the sky so blue as the ocean opens up to swallow you…
The final chords fade asway. I am back, sitting at my computer typing. The pitch of the night impedes my view outside. The keys clack under my lead fingers, while my computer hums in quiet content. My life looks short but feels long. My eyes begin to droop and my memories wash away.

The songs are as follows:

• All My Life-K-Ci & Jojo
• Ridng with Private Malone-David Ball
• Breakaway-Kelly Clarkson
• Swing Swing-All American Rejects
• Pieces-Sum 41
• Hands Held High-Linkin Park

Noviembre Sin Ti & Revelations

Mood: Pretty much the coolest mexican band ever. Reik.

Quote: "B's are grades for lazy "A" students." -My mommy

A thing you should totally check (Pretty much just a shout-out to the Samuel).

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m28izhZVHa8&NR=1
• Everyone make sure to check out Tanner's blog and bug him about posting. http://goingonlife.blogspot.com/

Blog: The English translation to Noviembre Sin Ti (November Without You):

the afternoon goes away/fades, the sky appears gray without you quiet on the beach i cry for you in the silence once more my pain drowns me and i can't live the waves don't talk to me of you sitting on the beach i write your name again why do i miss you from that november when we dreamt togehterin longing for eachother always, it pains me this cold november when the leaves fall to die forevernovember without you is to feel that the rain tells me, crying, that it all ended, november without you is to ask the moon that shines in the nightof my heart again...and again i'd like tell you that i want to return your name that has written on my skin already it is daybreak i continue waiting for you once more why do i miss you from that november when we dreamt together in longing for eachother always, it pains me this cold november when the leaves fall to die forever...november without you is to feel that the rain tells me, crying, that it all ended, november without you is to ask the moon that shines in the night of my heart again... and again...

I like it in spanish better, but it is still an awesome song.

My sister is treading down a rather bad path. It started in junior high, she acted like the people I always hated. The ones that would procrastinate til' the end and never turn in homework. My sister was like them (although rather milder), and now she is worse. She just doesn't do her homework and she fights my mom on everything about it. So of course, my parents finally decide to punish her. She has to learn, I have a horrible GPA (3.55 :( ) but I'm in hard classes, and working. She simply doesn't turn in assignments.

The really sad part is she doesn't understand why my parents are upset at her. She isn't as talented as me (academically speaking) but she is still a competent "A" student. She is capable of doing very well in every one of her classes (Interior design? Human Bio?) but she refuses to try. And of course, when my mom finally comes down on her she freaks out. My parents gave her two years in junior high to not do anything, something I never had. For me it was always, "You are making habits for high school, I don't want to see any more of this" for her it was, "Its ok for junior high, but in High School I expect better." She had two free years and now she is mad because she doesn't do anything.

She is probably talking on the phones to her friends saying how evil her parents are. I know people like her, its not cool to be smart. I understand them perfectly. It just so happens that I sit next to a possible future for her in Physiology.

Currently he has a 1.0 GPA and cheats on everything. Today he and his friend (Gaymeisters #'s 1 and 2) came up with the idea to cheat by texting Google the questions. Its completely unbelievable, it didn't work, at least I think not. That is a possible future for her, one of those people. One of those people that I can't stand. Because, all her friends are those people. It's a shame really.

Homecoming (Where Do I Begin...)

Mood: Death Cab for Cutie

Quote: "Every time you date someone with an issue you have to ignore, you're settling." -Anonymous

Dating Tips (Drake Frost)
*I haven't found any websites that say exactly what I want them to about the etiquette of dating. Mostly it is just one end of the spectrum or another. So here it goes.

1. Remember that a date is not hanging out. You are with your date
2. No matter how good of a friend is on the same date with you, you are still with your date and as such, you should remember to get to know your date and not the latest gossip.
3. Do not try to get into another person's car because your friend is in there.
4. Let the young man be a gentleman.
5. Dance, have a good time, not matter how bad your experiences as a six-year-old were.
6. Do not text at dinner, or any other time during your date. Because your date has his cell phone to coordinate with the rather large group he is in, does not mean that you should use your phone to text your friends and family members.

Blog: Homecoming, where do I begin. I guess I should probably begin at the beginning, that way the reader(s) will be able to decide if it is just me, or in fact, my date, or the Date that was the problem.

Planning the Homecoming date was incredibly stressful for me because most of the young men, being young men, in my group are horrible communicators. I had to get everyone together, make everyone plan, and of course, solve the myriad of problems that would come our way. One of these came at ten o'clock in the morning on the day of our date. We were supposed to have four video cameras for our video scavenger hunt. One guy was supposed to bring two video cameras, however, he woke up to find that one was missing (his dad had taken it unknowingly). I had one hour until I was supposed to be picking up my date. I called everyone I knew and eventually had to settle for just having three video cameras. That was ok, not a big deal.

Keep in mind, my group was comprised of nine couples, eighteen people in total. This meant, seven individual cars, three separate groups for our video scavenger hunt, three dinner groups, and an incredibly difficult time communicating to everyone what to do. So, of course, it was absolutely neccessary for me to have my cell phone with me. I made sure only to use it when I had to call someone in our group to coordinate or answer a question.

I made my way to the door, rang the doorbell, where I was greeted by my date, Lisa. I was then taken inside to meet her family, and then we left to meet at the park. Upon arriving at the park, we found the pavillion was taken, so we relocated to a grassy area. Two of the couples, one of whom was in charge of buns didn't show up until an hour later, which was scary, but ended up being ok because the burgers weren't ready yet.

My date has a friend that was also in our group. Her name is Ashley. I think I greatly underestimated their "friendship" if you want to call it that.

Once we were done setting up and the food was underway, my date ran off, and hung out with Ashley, at this point I decided that not going out to dinner with Ashley and her date was a good idea. After lunch, we split off into groups for the video scavenger hunt (which was way fun). Of course, Ashley was in our group with her date, and one more couple was going to go into my car. Ashley and her date were going to go in her date's car. Simple, we would meet at the nearby mall, and our entire Homecoming group would meet back at the park in a couple of hours swap stories, give our camera's to the camera master, and then drop our dates off to get ready. Easy. However, my date didn't really understand what a date was.

"I'm going to go in the car with Ashley," She announced to me.

"WHAT?" I had never heard of such an obscene idea, going into a car without your date. What in the world?

"Yeah, I have to make sure she doesn't do anything bad with her date," She said matter-of-factly.

"No, just get into the car, lets go."

"But I want to go with Ashley." I couldn't believe it, I was getting into an argument about whether or not my date should be in the car with me. Did hell freeze over? Fortunately, the couple in the back intervened, and she begrudgingly sat down in my car.

We met up at the mall, and had a lot of fun getting followed by mall security and videotaping ourselves doing crazy things. I dropped my date off, edited most of the videos, fought through post-BYU Homecoming traffic, and forgot to pick up her corsage. My parents, being the wonderful people they are, picked it up for me because I was already running late.

I picked up my date, and somehow, it managed to get worse. She texted the rest of the night. TEXTED! What was going on? Was her brother, or her sister, or Ashley buying her dinner? No. It was me, and all I ask for is some interraction. Ashley didn't even have her phone with her ( I know this because my date told me, don't you think she could pick up on that hint?), of course, Lisa still texted her phone.

We then went to the Homecoming dance where my date refused to dance. This was probably the most painless part of all of it because I was kind of able to ignore her, not dancing, and mess around with friends, who were dancing.

We then made our trek to the house of a kid in my group named Eric. Once we got there, all she did was talk to his sisters, text, and talk to his parents. Everyone was talking with their dates and eachother except myself. I then brought her home (to rid myself of the torment), and listened to music.

It was unbelievable. I should have handed her 60 dollars and she could have gone by herself, with me driving. At least then I would have been able to do something more worthwhile.

The Benefits of the Absence of Friends

Mood: Augustana

Quote: "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." -William Blake

Why sometimes it is better to not care:

• You will be disappointed
• You will invest time and effort
• Eventually you will get no return (see first bullet)
• You will get screwed in the end.
• The results are inevitable

Blog: Here is the low down:

Friday Night:

1. See two quote unquote "primary" friends at football game.
2. Talk to friends, as well as various other people at football game
3. Decide that after the game we (as a definite collective unit) should attend the stag dance after the football game.
4. Game ends, 42-o (our win).
5. Talk to ex-Human Biology teacher because he is awesome
6. Get phonecall reminding me that I missed one friend's drum solo (oops :-(
7. Participate in Spanish clean-up, meet and talk to cute sophmore cheerleader.
8. Think about cute sophmore cheerleader girl.
9. Go to stag dance (as intended)
10. Try to call/text "primary" friends
11. Find out that friends have gone to some girls house
12. Go to other girls house
13. After making some phone calls, find out what girls house.
14. Call girl (D-walk answeres) try to convince him to give the phone to "primary" friends
15. Hear, "Its ? Don't answer it."
16. Text one "primary" friend , "If you need to talk call me. I heard you on the phone, I can go down to 's house and we can talk there.
17. Within thirty seconds, recieve phone call from one "primary" friend

Thats how the first part of my Friday night went. Of course then our conversation proceeded:

"Dude what's up? What's your problem?"-Me

"Nothing."-Him

"You didn't call or text, I went to the stag dance because I thought you were going to be there. What the heck?"

"I don't know"

"I heard you guys on the phone, what's going on?"

"We thought you could take the hint."

"A hint? What do you think I am, a girl? Dude, I don't play pussy games, be a man. Tell me straight up, if you don't want to hang, just let me know, I went to the dance, it sucked, but I thought you guys were going to be there, thats why I went."

"Sorry, we won't do that next time."

"You could at least tell me, 'Oh sorry I forgot' or 'Go to hell' or something, I don't want to have to play these girl games with you."

"Sorry, just thought you could take the hint."

"What? That I should go to hell? Just tell me go to hell?"

"Umm, well, I guess. See, Casey (girl) was just sick of Albino and he was bugging her, and she told us not to say anything. And yeah."

"So Casey is worth Albino and my friendship? Is that what your saying?"

"I don't know, its not just her, its like twenty other girls. It was like all or nothing."

"So a bunch of silly girls are worth two people who have been your friends since freshman year?"

"Umm, I don't know."

"Well tell me right now, just tell me 'Go to hell'. Why didn't you just say something?"

"We didn't want to be rude."

"You didn't want to be rude? So hiding like little girls was better?"

"Umm. I guess not, it won't happend next time."

"So you were to pussy and didn't have a backbone to do anything? To tell me to 'Go to hell' straight up?"

"Yeah I guess not."

"Whatever dude. So I'll take it as 'Go to hell'"

"Yeah. Maybe we should hang tomorrow."

"Unless of course you want to hang out with people that don't like me. They're probably more important."

"Yeah."

-Hang up phone-

Throw phone at comfy chair, "Fagotts, I hate you."

Sit down, watch Mean Girls.

This is how I realized that it is better to not have friends. I knew it was coming (see previous blog post), I just didn't know when. To be honest it sucked, it sucked bad. To wake up the next morning and realize that out of your five "core" friends one remains, and he almost doesn't count (primarily because he's your neighbor). It sucked, but life moves on, and so, by default you must too. This is what happens to me, I always get screwed over by friends. Always. The first time it sucks. Than you think it doesn't really matter, and it happens again. It may be different friends, but it happens (see first post). It is a law of the universe, I always get screwed over. It is a fact I'm just realizing. A fact that has come to me just barely, something that won't change. I always get screwed over.

Now one must understand, I don't have a love interest, so a lot of the time I would put into a relationship I put into a friendship. Obviously some people don't care that much, they only care about themselves. Only whats important to them, how it makes them feel. Now they "feel bad" for what they did. They "feel bad" four days later, and think they can make nice with Albino and relay a message? I think not. So as these invertebrates crawl through school, scuffling to and fro, approaching me as if nothing happened, that because they feel like crap they need to apologize. I don't do something to fulfill self-righteous desires, just because they want to feel good. It takes a lot more than words, a lot more than words to erase that night. A lot more than words to erase the deeds done, the words said, the feelings felt, the time I layed on my bed and wanted to cry. It takes a lot more than words. A lot more than anything to erase what happened, to recover something before that time. They should try filling in the Grand Canyone, it might be easier. I do not get screwed twice. Never. Not anymore.

A friendly wave from across the street? So what if it might have been wrong, the erected middle finger felt good. For once, I'm doing what made me feel good, without thinking how they felt. Now I know, I don't need friends. I thought I knew it once, but now I know.

Friends screw you over. Suck up your time. Always pretend to be fine. Lie to your face. To save them some. Forget when you were there, what you have done. Forget what they did, why they're there. Forget the support, how you relied, how they depended. And all your time brings back nothing. Zero dividends, zero benefits, you might have well not worked.

That is why having no friends is better. My nights are free, I have not obligations. All I have to think about is me. Besides, sometimes the price is too high. In the words of a once-friend:

"Its all or nothing."

In the Dark Change Speaks

Mood: Linkin Park

Quote: "When we are no longer to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." -Victor Frankle

Basically, My Schedule:

1. Wake up
2. Get ready for school
3. Go to school
4. Come home
5. Do Homework
6. Sleep

Blog: I always think at night. Keep me up late enough and I start to wax philisophical, like really philisophical. I don't know why, I just do. I think better, maybe because of the lack of external stimuli, maybe because I feel alone.

That, however, is beside the point. The unexpected glue that held us together is gone, who knew? Who knew that he was the glue? No one, not even him. Now we are slowing breaking apart. The most determined piece is gone. But the rest of us? The rest of us who hung in there together, who did favors for one another? We are breaking, crumbling, falling apart. We like most things put to time are eroding, blowing away, becoming no more.

We, those who fought, those who stood by, those who sacrificed. We are becoming no more. I feel it, I know it, it is gone. What was once is now lost. Forever, never, we thought we were clever, but now we are not. Not but lost memories, lost thoughts, lost dreams, lost hopes, lost aspirations. We are I, a million particles of sand, crumbled from the mighty mountain that was Us. We are but not, and woe is us. Woe is our memories, woe what we were!

And as I lay in the dark, change speaks.

Leadership

Mood: Mat Kearney

Quote: "Management is doing things right, leadership is doing the right things." -Peter F. Drucker

Movie Review:

• Fracture-Anthony Hopkins plays a brilliant engineer who kills his wife, and plans the perfect alibi. According to my dad the movie is really realistic in its portrayal of some aspects of law, especially the law terms. Although it does have a problem with language, which doesn't add anything, its still really good. 4.5/5

Things I've For Homecoming:

• Ask
• Get a response
• Get a group

Things I Need to Do for Homecoming:

• Plan Date
• Talk to people in my group
• Find something to wear

Blog: Today I had a very personal talk with my Young Men's leader on certain premises. Of course, I was very upset that I had to talk to him because it involved me apologizing for something I did not believe was wrong. This of course, as an apology always does, involves a long personal talk as aforementioned (I love that word).

In our talk my Young Men's leader told me that I was a leader. I'm not really quite sure where he gets that. Why does he see something that I don't? I'm the one who spends twenty four hours a day, seven days a week with me. Why does he see this?

He told me that people gather around me, that people like me. How can this be so when the people I really want to continue to be my friends leave me? Ho can this be when so many people don't like me?

How can I be a leader, when I apparently am not? How can I be a leader when noone listens to me? How can I be a leader when I'm practically invisible, when I don't exist?

How am I a leader when I am not? How am I a leader when I don't understand how I could be one?

How is someone so general, someone so vague, boring, someone who can lead? How does someone who can simply cease to exist and be unnoticed a leader?

How am I supposed to lead? When I'm not sure if I am?

How am I a leader?

What's In Idaho?

Mood:Death Cab for Cutie

Quote: "I felt I had to share Idaho with my friend from New York because he'd shared New York with me, so I was going to share the beauty of nature with a man who went to museums and clubs late at night. But there was nothing to do where I lived at night. " -Mariel Hemingway

Trip Highlights:

1. Rafting
2. Floating some of the rapids
3. Hot Springs
4. Naked people in hot springs

Blog: For the past week I have told my friends that I would be spending some of my weekend in Idaho. "What's in Idaho?" they always ask, and to be honest, I am still not quites sure. I do know however, that there are naked people in Idaho. After rafting down a river my family, and my dad's friend's family decided to go to Skinny Dipper Springs. As it turned out, this is very appropriately named. Upon hiking up, and ignoring the puking people near the lower hot spring, we came accross a couple who, were completely naked. The suprising thing was that they weren't old. I had always been told that there is good naked, and bad naked. For the most parts, nudist beaches, which were primarily old people (supposedly) were bad naked. I found this quite amusing, and I told my dad I would've joined them, but then my mom said, "But then you realized your mother was here?" Which was the correct reason why I didn't join, not to mention the couple looked like they were trying to be romantic and stay private.

One step closer to being a nudist. Not to mention, the definite highlight for everyone on the trip.

Pirates Ahoy!

Mood: Train

Quote: "Battles about water in the West are always about something more. At their most elemental they are about survival." -Bettina Boxol

A pirate must be:

Blog: Today marks day two of the "slump", and the day of Mark's birthday (no pun intended, if it was it would be more horrible than it is). Today actually went suprisingly well because I didn't have much time to think. For mutual we did an awesome thing, we went rafting downt the Provo River.

Of course when one brings 13 boys age 12-17 and five adult advisers, things are going to get crazy. In this case, I started out as the Captain of our vessel, much like this dude:

Of course, I was much better looking. As I attempted to steer my crew through the treaches of the River, I became a participant in a mutiny. Unfortunately, I was the mutinee. My motley crew would not listen to my commands, and lost all faith in my ability to lead. This ended horribley with me being pushed off the raft. My crew, being the just men they are, did rescue me, and pull me back into the raft. However, I was totally 'moted by a much less good looking pirate named Captain Francis. So, being the 'moted, and unloved captain, I tried my hand at motivating them. This involved sayings such as, "You are weak, but I will make you strong." "Today we do not die in vain," and the wonderful, "My brothers, we may be outnumbered, but we are faster, and in our numbers we are stronger!!! So pull with all your might, and ONWARD HO! We are few but we are strong!"

Oh the days of being a pirate. I was granted my captain spot back, but then usurped once again, but this time by a better looking pirate captain. I was also taken advantage when my defenses were down, and consequently, pushed into the River by an old man who pirates part time. Normally he's a gastrointestinologist, but we just say he is a but doctor. He is Bro. D. I got taken advantage of so badly, I fell in because of a gastrointestinologist who pirates part-time! Of course I am stil alive, and making plans for another voyage. PIRATES, CHARGE!

Exceptional

Mood: Matisyahu

Quote: "The human spirit needs to accomplish, to achieve, and to triumph to be happy." -Ben Stein (American Actor, Lawyer and Economist)

Note: On my last post I forgot one goal of the psychologist. The step is predict. So, my post should have ready: ...observe, describe, explain, predict, control...

If Life were Easy:

1. You only had to take the classes you wanted to
2. School started at 9:00 a.m.
3. All homework would be a labor of love (much like AP Psychology)
4. Your parents could actually help you on your homework, and be there to make dinner
5. One would simply wish it, and it would be set in place (most handy when dealing with the female sex)

Blog: This week was good, just plain old good. Much along the lines of "Okey dokey" "Pretty good" "Fine" "A-O.K." or just plain, "O.K." Nothing exceptional has happened, and it doesn't seem like anything exceptional is going to happen. It's just been, "O.K." and I'm not quite sure why. I just can't figure out what I need to happen, I mean I have a few things I would like to happen, a few things I want to happen, but nothing I need to happen for those want to's and like to's to become real. I just can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. It seems, with all of this going on, I must be entering into my monthly slump.

For those of you who are either unaware, or uneducated in the manner, I tend to go through what I like to call the "monthly slump". Think of it as a mini-depression. The one time a month where I temporarily let down my care-free facade, and become overwhelmed by one thing or another. In this case, its my failure to achieve what I would call the "exceptional life." My failure to live a life, or be the person that is considered exceptional. I consider this life to be:

• One that is enjoyed
• One that is capable of teaching others
• One that is lived to its fullest potential
• One that doesn't need anything else

An exceptional person is:

• One who is truly himself
• One who is comfortable with who he is
• One who is confident
• One who can learn
• One who loves (Romantically and otherwise)
• One who is loved (Romantically and otherwise)

How do I acheive this? What am I missing. Well, I can tell you somethings, but how do I achieve the things I'm missing? There are a lot more than just the fairly obvious ones, what is the the path to being exceptional.

This, is of course what I thought about today as I layed on my trampoline. This is, of course, what I couldn't tell my mom when she asked me what I was thinking about. How could I?

If I Were Me (Which Fortunately I am)

Mood: Death Cab for Cutie

Quote: "It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time." -Winston Churchill (if you don't know who he is you're sad)

What to do When a Friend Irritates You:

• Keep a comfortable distance
• Listen to whatever ignorant argument may be going on
• Sit silently knowing you are right
• Be friendly
• Encourage a comfortable distance to continue

Blog: It seems as though sometimes things changed unexpectedly. Friends come and go, people move, and others simply don't change.

I had some friendly chats with various people today, and was suprised to see how much things have/have not changed. Everything is different, it is a truly wonderful and exciting experience. I don't see the same people I saw "all the time" last year, and I keep bumping into people I hardly knew last year. Mostly I think this is a change for the good. Certain people move on, others simply won't, I continue onward. Some people change their lives fast, others slow, others never.

Here is what I would do if I were me:

First and foremost I would go with the flow. I simply need to observe and adapt, this brings into the four goals of a psychologist: observe, descirbe, explain, control. I bolded the last one because I find it particularly frightening when you think of it out of context. If I learn about what is going on I can control it, if not, oh well.

Secondly, I would enjoy. A great example of this would be my wonderful fall during English today. I leaned a little too far in my chair and made a slow, five second descent into the person behind me. It was absolutely wonderful, embarrassing, but wonderful. I would enjoy every good thing that came to me, and enjoy some of the negative things that were closer to being good also. I would just need to enjoy the moment (and all past moments, and hopefully all future moments as well).

Thirdly, I would most definitely let majorly fine chicks come to me. This semi-ties in with the first thing I would do if I were me. I find letting them come to me a much better alternative than for me coming to them like a dog, crawling, drooling, completely submissive, and without any common sense, not to mention the urge be pet. Now one must remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder (which, in this case, is me). Majorly fine chicks can be fine on the inside, although the outside is nice. This hopefully, would prevent myself from looking like more of an idiot than I already am, of which I nearly did 5 times today.

Fourthly, I will do what I can. There is only so much time in a day, an attention span, and waking hours to do everything that "everyone" wants me to do. If I were me (which I am) I would simply do all I can, and leave the rest up to chance. Although it seems that there is a certain expectation of perfection, this is entirely impossible. One can only do so much and stay sane. Everyone has a different sanity-work-tolerance level, of course one needs to figure out what that is first. If I were me I would make a habit of only doing what I can and not worrying about the rest. Perfection comes with luck, which sometimes I am lucky enough to have.

If I were me, I would definitely follow this advice. It seems that Me has some trouble following it, and I definitely wants Me to do so. As for chicas (and potential chica-friend people) that will have to be for some other time. I and Me will have to argue about it...

Life in the Fast Lane

Mood: Linkin Park

Quote: "Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing." -Lao Tzu (Founder of Taoism)

Class Summary:

1. Seminary-its seminary, although Brother Little is cool. 3/5
2. Basketball-Volleyball- Pretty awesome people, not to mention all the crude violence of a male-dominated P.E. class. 3/5
3. Physiology-Hard but interesting 4/5
4. AP Calc BC-Math, the class is small but so far its cool-4/5
5. AP English-Mrs. V is awesome. 5/5
6. Financial Lit-Why does this even exist? Still an awesome class of people. 4/5
7. AP Spanish-Senior Eskyles es back! I guess he hasn't made an appearance on this blog but he will. 4/5
8. AP Psychology-Freakin' amazing and so interesting. A super diverse class. 5/5

Total score: 33/70

Blog: School began with full force, and as the projected workload continues to expand I had to do something very hard. I had to entire into a semi-retirement. I pretty much had to stop working because I couldn't handle it. I would come home from school, do homework, go to work, and do homework during work. It was crazy. I was already getting behind so I had to tell my manager, it was sad, but she was ok with it.

Other than my tremendous workload I really enjoy my classes. All of the subjects are totally worth the homework, especially AP Psychology. In another week or so, when I finally figure out who is in my class I will do a HLA ("hott"ness level assesment). I guess "hott" girls aren't really what school is about, but it helps (a little). School is great and I'm really looking forward to this year.

A little update on my job, my manager got a boyfriend. Its really funny because she is 5 feet tall and he is a little over 6 feet. We had a funny conversation about him because when I saw him and her in the store I wanted to sing "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne. According to my manager he is, "Hott on soo many levels." This of course is absolutely hysterical when you repeat it to yourself and say, " [Guy's name] you are hott on so many levels." What isn't there to love.

Life has been hectic, but it will get better. Except of course, we aren't good enough for him. Not sure why? We must be too original or something. Oh well, he can be a clone and have a heterosexual high school partner that is, in reality, just a collective conscious of various individuals sectioned into one body. At least my thoughts only belong to me (but then again, who would want them?).

On the Eve of Education

Mood: Matchbox 20

Quote: "The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." Alvin Toffler (American futurist author)

Things NOT to do during school year:

1. Fail classes
2. Procrastinate
3. Get overwhelmed
4. Get in long arguments
5. Make stupid mistakes

Things to do during the school year:

1. Meet new people
2. Get 4.0 GPA
3. Observe and council various people through drama
4. Be an individual
5. Enjoy every moment

Blog: Here I sit. The summer has been long, interesting, boring and fun. Unfortunately, the time I was relegated for freedom is almost out. At 7:00 in the morning I will drive up to my wonderful High School and once again enter a very regimented enviroment. Thanks to the newly instated block schedule at my school, tomorrow is going to be complete chaos, as swarms of students fly frantically through the halls going to incorrect classes. I will once again do work, talk to people, and see people who I have not seen since the end of school.

Fortunately for me, this means that I will be able to get to know people who I did not have the opportunity to hang out with. New friends? Quite possibly. A few more friends never hurt anyone. The reason why I am so confident I will have to get to know different people, is because I do not have any classes with anyone I have contacted. This is sort of exciting as I venture into the unknown, the new frontier.

One problem does arise, and school has not even started yet. A friend of mine has been very different lately. He's always wanted something, something more, and I think he sees us as a limiting factor. He won't talk to me much, he won't talk to any of us. He wants something that we can't provide, he wants the women we don't even know. Its not just her, he wants all of them, and we are holding him back. We aren't smooth, or good looking, or "normal" enough for him. And in his view, only people who are just like him, smooth, good-looking and "normal" can do what he wants to, can hang with them.

If thats what it take for them, I think I'd rather not. I would rather stay an individual in the tide of similarity and sameness. A brilliant green or a crimson red in the sea of drab grey. Being the same is too boring, but it does have benefits. The see of grey houses them, and others, many others like them. Dull, similar, those who hide their individuality to fit in, to attract the other grey ones. I would rather be a different color, and attract other individuals, and together, we will form a brilliant rainbow. A brilliant lake of color in the sea of drab grey.

Farewell to a Friend

Mood: "Quiet Night" Playlist





Quote: "Remember me and smile, for its better to forget me than remember me and cry." -Anonymous


Countdown until School: 3 days (2 if you count freshman academy)


Movie Reviews:

• High School Musical 2- I've never seen the first one, but still. Did there really have to be a second? Honestly. 1.5/5 stars

Songs to Remember Me By:

1. Confines of Gravity- Playradioplay!


2. Relax (Take it Easy)-Mika


3. Bed of Lies-Matchbox 20


4. Superman-Five for Fighting


5. Into the Sun-Joseph Arthur


6. Unwell-Matchbox 20


7. Waiting on the World to Change-John Mayer


8. Danger List-John Mellencamp


9. I Walk the Line-Johnny Cash
10. Pieces-Sum 41


11. Its My Life-Bon Jovi

Blog: My friend left this morning, and I know he's not coming back. This post is dedicated to him. To that reddish, and curly haired kid driving out of Utah, across the country and into Massachussetts. To the kid who drove me insane in Bolivia, but who I had an awesome time with. To the kid who has an awesome Mom (of whom I love to the:

, if I could find an equation I could understand less I would put it). To the kid who invited me to go to Bolivia. To the kid who has an awesome familiy in general (with the possible exception of Ben...). To the kid who listens to some of the best and crappiest music, at the same time. To the kid who always does what he's supposed to do, even if his friends don't. To the kid who gets 20-year-old Bolivian chicks that only speak spanish. To the kid that actually understood what was going on in spanish. To the kid who was, despite all of our differences and arguments, still my friend.

Thats the person I lost. The guy that helped me in Spanish, and is letting me fly solo in AP this year. The guy that saved me in math when I was sick. The guy who, for some reason, never let her go. The guy who is and forever will be, Sam, my friend.

Remember me by these songs:

Confines of Gravity-Because, "I just want to be free/from the confines of gravity" Relax (Take It Easy)-The title should give it away. Bed of Lies-Because I don't fake it, "I would not sleep in this bed of lies/So toss me out, and turn in". Superman- "I'm just out to find/The better part of me/I'm more than a bird/More than a plane/More than some pretty face beside a train" "I'm not crazy/Or anything". Into the Sun- First off, the only song that kept me sane (and drove Ben crazy) in Bolivia, and should remind you of me if only for that reason, "Cause if I find/If I find/If I find my way/How much will I find?" "I've been caught inbetween all I wish for/And all I need". Unwell-Watch the music video, "All day/Making friends with shadows on my wall". Waitn' on the World to Change- "Its not that we don't care/We just know that nobady's fair" Danger List- "They don't know my name/Put me on the Danger List" "Good boys go to heaven/Good girls say their prayers/Me I don't say anything at all/Hope the good master cares". I Walk the Line-Who walks the line better than I do? Pieces-"I tried to be perfect/It just wasn't worth it/I don't think it makes me real". It's My Life-"It's my life/and its now or never/I ain't gonna live forever".

Farewell friend. May all your dreams come true. May god forever watch over you.

Prom in Da Hood?

Mood: Matisyahu

Countdown until school: 6 (5 if you count freshman academy)

Weirdest things I've seen:

• Gay people in New York





• Asian people with English accents





• That she-man (or he-woman) thing on American Idol





• People taking a crap in the middle of the street





• Prom in Da Hood

Blog: I got this as an e-mail from my mummy, and I have to post it. These pictures are from a prom:

And my school is worried about spaghettie straps?

A Night of Silence

Mood: Calm (see playlist below)







Quote: "There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in a storm" -Willa Sibert Cather (Author of My Antonia)







Movie Review:

• The Perfect Score-A modern day version of Breakfast Club, about six different people who conspire to steal the SAT answers in order to get into college. A really funny movie, and a suprisingly good moral. 4/5 stars.

Songs in order to achieve calm:

1. Happy Ending-Mika (Life in a Cartoon Motion)




2. Hands Held High-Linkin Park (Minutes to Midnight)




3. Marching Bands of Manhattan-Death Cab for Cutie (Plans)




4. Any Other World-Mika (Life in a Cartoon Motion)




5. Pieces-Sum 41 (Chuck)




6. Girl America-Mat Kearney (Nothing Left to Loose)




7. Hopeless-Train (Drops of Jupiter)




8. When I Get Where I'm Going-Brad Paisley Feat. Dolly Parton (Time Well Wasted)




9. I Will Follow You Into the Dark-Death Cab for Cutie (Plans)




10. Goodnight Goodnight-Maroon 5 (It Wont Be Soon Before Too Long)




11. You and Me-Lifehouse (Lifehouse)



12. Soul Meets Body-Death Cab for Cutie (Plans

Blog: People were supposed to come over at 7:30, currently it is 8:37. So now that I'm currently alone, away from friends, I've decided to take the time to post.

Alone. According to dictionary.com, alone has many meanings, here are a few:

• (adj) Separate, apart, or isolated




• (adj) Unique, unequaled, unexcelled




• (adv) Solitarily, Solely




• (adv) Only, exclusively

Currently, I think I embody all four of these definitions. I am isolated, and apart from all of my friends and other people. I am unique (in a heck of a lot of ways). I am currently writing solitarily, and I am currently solitary (for an unforseen period of time). I am the only person in the room.

What is the magic and mystery behind being alone? Being completely isolated, away from everything? What is it, about just being, being different, and in four different ways, being alone? What is it that drives us to be alone, and fear it at the same time? Is it that we are afraid of ourselves? Afraid of what we might see when we can only focus on ourselves instead of others? We must be afraid, why else would we seek to be constantly away from ourselves?

Being alone doesn't scare me. But realizing how many different ways I can be alone does. I guess reading Eclipse sort of does that to you. I realized that I can barely get girls that I like to talk to me, let alone want to turn into a monster for me! I can't even comprehend it. Its so completely foreign to me, to have someone (that isn't related to me) say, "I love you," and actually mean it! How strange and awesome that would be, a completely foreign experience.

The idea of being alone also meaning unique, is fitting. I'll be the first to say that I'm weird, which, implies some degree of unique-ness. The sad thing of being unique, is there is no one to share your unique little world with. No one who can understand. One day there may not be a need for explaining everything you see. Its incredible how a million people could look at the same rock and 99.9% of those people would see it completely different. Everything means something different, even as something simple as a song line or a book. The author or writer may not even have thought that something could mean a certain thing, but people go through and see it completely different. In both cases, the author and the reader or the songwriter and listener, both people are right. They simply see things differently. Some see things more similar to the "average" person than others. Those people are not alone, at least in someways, in fact, they are not alone at all. They are joined by other "clones" who do not seek to be original, who force themselves into a mold. I know, that I am different, that I see things different than everyone. In my mind, in the same world everyone inhabits, I am still alone. Even if everyone were to look at the same thing I was, I would be alone.

I am alone, physically, and mentally. Figuratively, and literally. I am alone, am I afraid of being alone? Sometimes. Do I understand that is impossible not to be alone, no matter how hard I try? Yes. So world, life, bring on the loneliness, wave after wave. Because the more the sea of different things wash over me, the more chance there is to finding someone similar, someone, who is also alone. Someone who rejoices in finding someone in which they no longer have to be alone. Someone to share their world with. Someone who can accompany them in the see of loneliness, where they will never feel lonely, because there is someone always there. Someone watching, and wishing.

Did You See This Coming?

Mood: Relax

Quote: You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.
Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons

Things to do before school starts:

• Work
• Finish English
• Enjoy the remaining 10 days of summer
• Go school shopping
• Go swimming at least one more time

Movie Reviews:

• Hot Rod-A comedy along the lines of Napoleon Dynamite (except incredibly worse). The movie was funny at some parts, but most of the time it was pretty stupid. 3/5 stars
• The Bourne Ultimatum- The freakin' coolest movie ever! Way better than the second one, and just awesome. The filming is cool, the fight scenes rock, and lots of cars crash. Not to mention they set it up for a fourth one. Pure awesome: 5/5 stars

Blog: F.Y.I. my sister took eclipse to girls camp, which doesn't make me happy.

Click on the Video (either top or bottom, both are the same) on your right.

Need I say more?

P.S. I find this to be the grandtepulous video ever.

Miskates

Mud: Trane

Qote: "its A damnn por mnd thet ken tinc ov olny won wae too spel a wurd!" -Endraw Jaksen

Mewvy Reveus:

• Tha Sympsens Muvy- Wat es betr tan e haf our ofv teh Sipmsons? En howr and a haf ov de Simpcens. Ned eye sae mor? 8/5 stares
• Shreck III- Reely funy, probbly de fooniest Shrek en de suries. Shrekc nedes tu gow tow e hi skool too pic upp de footre keng. Joost rally foonnnie. 4/5 strs
• Thhe Gardyun- I pursonally enjoid tihs felm. Et iss wone ef dose feal gud philms. The karactr devlopment esnot tat gude. 3/5 starres
• Eye Know Pronownse U Chukk End Larrey- Der r tow kins ev pepel inn dis wurld. Tohse whoo leke Adem Sadler phimls, aned toseh whoo dunt. Ey heppan t bee wun ef dose. Crud and enfuoney at prts, boot ah goud massage, ie injod et. 2/5 stahrs

Kancunn bye teh noombrs:

1. Phunniey tann lin
2. tyms oie swem wit wall sharckes
3. restrawnts ete ate
4. dais in mexcoh wiht bouel ishus
5. see trtles sene
6. hour waight onn e bech wehn kar brok doun
7. knites ine kankoon
8. daeys een cankoun

Blogg: Et seemms iy grw stupder ery dae eye emnt wit dose ohv ah grter intlect. Oy ned dem to hellp mee beh smatrer. ih dink its loik en Flours fore Elgernonn (butt dat surt stury wood bea two smert far mea). Mebe eyll haf tu dropp owt oef deh klases ime tekyng beekaws deh wehll bee to hared. I kknoeh eyem knott vury smrt. Oi dunt knw wat toh doe. Dee ofis ladey waz soh nies do. Boot her es moi schedl:

1. semenarry/sermics 2
2. baceketbal-voliebal/dijitle foto
3. fiseeologee
4. Ay Pee Kalcoolus BeeC
5. Ape Lancomp (uhowh, Ie dunt tink i kan du et bekas oi kant spele)
6. fienanshal litterasie (ih dhink oi neede to hav eh redding litterasi mur)/semnary
7. ahpe espanich
8. Apey sykolojy

Mebee i shud goe gert smrt wit thos pepl whoo r raly smrt nd du kul tings n stoof.

Sammooel komes bac dis tursday from bolvia wech es ckul, he brught mee beck mre stoughf ie culdnt foind. den sem mooovs towh botson, wich well bee purty sahd. But wehn hee levs oi ken hahng owht wit dos smrt poepel is was telkyng ahbowt.

Ohter dan mie dorp ov smaretnes, lief es gud. Skuhl staerts en lyke too weks, engish soomer stuph es elmots dune.

I stel resrv de roight too spele hou oi whant.

Anger de Cancun,Quitana Roo, Mexico

Mood-Anything that expresses the frustration I feel

Quote-
“Our frustration is greater when we have much and want more than when we have nothing and want some. We are less dissatisfied when we lack many things than when we seem to lack but one thing.”
Eric Hoffer quotes (American Writer, 1902-1983)

Things one does while in Mexico:

• Swim with whale sharks
• Swim in ocean/snorkel
• Swim in swimming pool
• Eat
• Yell at retarded school schedule

Blog: I am currently in Cancun,Mexico (good thing), however, classe schedules have just come out (potentially good thing) and for some retarded reason, my once 3rd period AP Calculus class has been removed, and not replaced (really bad thing). I will not under any circumstance take AP Calculus AB. I want to take BC, where I can pretend to be smart, and flaunt my imaginary-smartness in front of everyone I know. On top of all that, I have a Spanish keyboard (not bad, I used them in Bolivia, and quite enjoy them) that thinks it is an English keyboard (horrible thing, at least for me). Thats correct I have a confused keyboard. A translingual keyboard. Why? Because currently the God of education has decided that I should not be able to put together my over-taxing schedule, and be happy for the rest of my brain-deadening schedule year. Life (with the exception that I'm in Mexico) is horribly frustrating.

Whoever invented the computer system on which my class schedule is created should be shot. Also, the person with the genius idea of switching over an entire school to block schedule with a crappy computer system that can't run on the schedule the school has been using for thirty years, should be horribly horribly beaten, and left on the side of the road somewhere. The cruel unfairity of the world.

When I get back I am going to have to talk to a counselor (or should I say yell), get my schedule changed, and then probably go to work. I hate the world, or at least a vast minority of it. I hate that minority so much, it would equate out to me hating the whole world.

Question of the day- Why does a Calculus BC class have 0 spots open 2nd period, but have 23 available seats in the 4th period class?

Life is like a Peanut

Mood: Chill

Quote: "Life is a sexually transmitted disease."-R. D. Laing (If that isn't the best quote you've ever seen I don't know what is.)

Reviews:
The Invisible: By far one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen. The disappointing thing about this movie is that it should have been really good. The story concept is excellent, but for some reason it was written to be pathetic. The worst part of the whole movie is that the guy who is "sort of" dead falls in love with his murderer. How pathetic is that! Its like the Stockholm syndrome, only worse, and in a movie. Fortunately I saw it at the dollar movie theatre, but even then... 2/5 stars
Freedom Writers: I watched this last night at my grandma's house, and I must say it was one of the best movies I have seen. Based on a true story about a teacher who teaches English in a school in a gang-infested Long Beach school. It is an excellent and inspirational film. 5/5 stars

The good, the bad, and the ugly of working in a record store:

• People ask you retarded questions (e.g. How much is the new Honda Civic? First of all, why are you getting a Civic. Second of all, why are you asking a a young kid that works in a CD store?)
• You work with cool people.
• You get to listen to new music (and know who's who)
• Some bands have funny names
• Some people insist they know what is right (e.g. "They have an album called stick it to the moon" (which, in american lingo makes no sense). "My computer shows that there is no Stick it to the Moon, however, there is a Stick it to the Man album. Do you want me to get it for you?" (which makes perfect sense in American lingo). "No, I know, it is Stick it to the Moon." "Ok, whatever you say." (Don't listen to the young, hip and trendy guy that works in a place where he sells what you're looking for you forty-year old hag)).

Blog: At the rate of which I tend to offend people, in the near future it would probably be a good idea to relocate my residence. Fortunately for me, my grandparents live nearby, and because I go up there so often, it is practically my second home, complete with my own toothbrush and room. So on that fateful night when the entire city decides to come after me, I can step into my jetta and drive away, laughing at the scary-looking, murder-minded folks with pitchforks coming after me. That is when, while driving home from my future hiding place, that it occurred to me. Life is like a peanut.

Life is like a peanut because it is simple, relatively short, smooth, and wonderfully delicious. But, like life, a peanut can get complicated. There is peanut butter, and various other peanut sauces. Peanuts when scrutinized, have fats, trans fats, monosaturated fats, proteins, minerals, and all sorts of other wacky little things that the average person doesn't really understand. In essence, a peanut can be looked at in two ways, simple, or rather complicated and relatively unhealthy. A peanut is like life.

Or is life like a peanut? One can never be sure. Life can be taken simply, or scrutinized and seen as a complicated. Personally I prefer the simple approach to peanuts and to life.

Some people however, choose to think of the only the bad and complicated things that make up peanuts, and not the good simple things. All some people can think about is that peanuts are abundant in LDL ("bad cholestoral"), and thus are horribly bad. People tend to look this way at life. There are numerous people who only see the LDL (Live Die Lie) in life, and not the necessary protein in it.

And that my friends, is why life is like a peanut. Which way will you look at it?

Personality Boredom

Mood: Anything upbeat

Quote: "Its a rare person who hears what he doesn't want to hear" -Dick Cavett

Things to do when bored:

1. Do chores
2. Lip-sing to music
3. Talk to family
4. Practice guitar
5. Take personality tests

Blog: Because I am horribly bored I have dedicated today to be the day of Personality testing. Here are my test results:

(Personality Online)-

Mercurial(Emotions, Relationships, Self-Control)
Life is a rollercoaster, insist you come along for the ride, yearn for experience, enduring to emotional weather changes.

Romantic attachment:
Mercurial individuals must always be deeply involved in a romantic relationship with one person.
Intensity:
They experience a passionate, focused attachment in all their relationships. Nothing that goes on between them and other people is trivial,nothing taken lightly.
Heart:
They show what they feel. They are emotionally active and reactive. Mercurial types put their hearts into everything.
Unconstraint:
They are uninhibited, spontaneous, fun-loving, and undaunted by risk.
Activity:
Energy marks the Mercurial style. These individuals can stir others to activity.
Open mind:
They are imaginative and curious, willing to experience and experiment with other cultures, roles, and value systems and to follow new paths.

Three Global Personalities (similarminds.com)-

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 73% Stability 80% Orderliness 46% Accommodation 30% Interdependence 70% Intellectual 83% Mystical 10% Artistic 36% Religious 90% Hedonism 10% Materialism 30% Narcissism 63% Adventurousness 56% Work ethic 16% Self absorbed 50% Conflict seeking 63% Need to dominate 56% Romantic 50% Avoidant 23% Anti-authority 56% Wealth 76% Dependency 30% Change averse 30% Cautiousness 56% Individuality 50% Sexuality 50% Peter pan complex 36% Physical security 90% Physical Fitness 50% Histrionic 23% Paranoia 23% Vanity 63% Hypersensitivity 30% Indie 25%

http://similarminds.com/global-adv.html">Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
http://similarminds.com">personality tests by similarminds.com

Myers-Briggs Personality Profile-ESTJ (Extroverted Sensing Thinking Judging) more information can be found at typelogic.com , and I took the test at www.kisa.ca/personality

The Big 5 (similarminds.com)-

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (68%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity. Accommodation (42%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense of the well being of others. Orderliness (52%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, structured, and self controlled while still remaining flexible, varied, and fun. Emotional Stability (70%) high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. Inquisitiveness (82%) high which suggests you are very intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

http://similarminds.com/big5.html">Take Free Big Five Personality Test
http://similarminds.com">personality tests by similarminds.com